This is exactly how each university degree is going to deal with the bed bug invasion

Londoners get ready, the bed bugs have boarded the tube.

After Tiktok videos of bed bugs on the Paris metro went viral a few weeks ago, there has been a widespread fear that these little insects have made their way to the underground. While the whole situation may have been blown out of proportion online, Mayor of London Sadiq Khan has deemed the prosect of bed bugs on London public transport a “real cause of concern” with rumours of sightings on the Victoria, District and Elizabeth line.

But how might each King’s degree deal with the invasion?

Biology

Someone on your course is guaranteed to catch a bed bug and keep it in a test tube for months as an experiment. The idea of bugs crawling all over the tube doesn’t intimidate you, it’s just another excuse for you to use big words to explain simple facts about these insects, like they have six legs and like to bite.

Maths

You have worked out the exact angle you need to stand on the tube to avoid a bed bug jumping on you and you likely carry around a note book to tally up each sighting you have.

English

As the romantic type, you see the bed bugs as a gift from Paris, reminding you how close the cities are. You are free from the threat of these little critters since you spend most of your time walking between coffee shops and the library.

Computer Science

You have played enough computer games with deadly virus outbreaks and zombie attacks that something as minor as a bed bug on the Elizabeth line doesn’t phase you. Besides, you rarely leave the house on a good day, so you’re quite safe from the creepy-crawlies.

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Medicine and Nursing

Dedicated and tired. You’re going to see the invasion through until the end and you won’t think twice before sitting down on the tube. If you’ve made it this far in your course, you will make it through some insects coming to London.

Philosophy

The WhatsApp group chat spent hours debating the moral ethics of killing a bed bug. This degree is most likely to bring their own chair onto the tube, since nothing can get between them and the time they spend sitting on public transport contemplating the meaning of life.

Chemistry

You have definitely taken this as an opportunity to create a D.I.Y chemical concoction to repel the bugs away from you on the tube. Hopefully you don’t gas out the entire District line at the same time.

Politics, Business and Economics

You are definitely going to stand on the tube and stare disapprovingly at those who sit down as you sip on your fifth Pret of the day. These bugs should be scared of you.

Law

You are far too busy to be thinking of anything that is not related to the latest episode of Suits that you watched and with the amount of reading you have to do, you’re not on the tube long enough for a bed bug to see you as a potential victim.

History and Classics

Forever the students that are reminiscent of the past because nothing is as good as it was “back in the day”. You’re excited by the potential to live through a modern day plague and won’t stop talking about all the bed bug sightings you’ve had.

War Studies

You definitely think you’re going to save the city from bed bugs just because you do war studies.

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