The dos and don’ts of shagging at a music festival, according to seasoned experts

Having sex in a tent is nobody’s first choice. It’s too small, too hot, and too blatantly obvious to everyone around you when your two-man starts shaking. But at music festivals, needs must. There are so many hot people to pull  and, unless you’re lucky enough to have parked a car nearby, you really have no other option.

But there are some things you can do to make tent sex bearable. It doesn’t have to be a grime-covered mess. So, as festival season rages through summer for another year, we’ve spoken to experts and tent tryst veterans about how to successfully shag in a field surrounded by thousands of strangers— if that’s your thing.

Pick your positions carefully

Regardless of how luxe or frugal your camping set up is, you’re most probably going to have limited amounts of space in your tent for elaborate sex positions. So, it’s important to pick the optimal option for the conditions you’re working in. And, according to condoms.uk’s sex expert, Pippa Murphy, there are four positions that should work well however squished you are:

Spooning:  “In this position, both partners lie on their sides, with one partner behind the other. This position is comfortable, requires minimal space, and allows for intimacy and closeness.”

Cowboy or cowgirl: “One partner sits or lies down while the other partner straddles them, facing towards or away from them. This position allows the partner on top to control the pace and depth, and it doesn’t require much headroom.”

Seated: “Both partners sit facing each other with their legs intertwined, allowing for close contact and eye contact. This position can be comfortable in a tent, as it doesn’t require much space or headroom.”

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Doggy style: “One partner kneels on all fours while the other partner kneels behind them. This position can work well in a tent if there’s enough room for both partners to comfortably kneel.”

Wear a condom

The bar is in hell for even having to point this out but, obviously, condoms are a must. Some festivals, like Glastonbury, actually hand them out. But, it’s still probs best to stock up before you go. “Even if you’re on a form of contraception, I’d still recommend taking a condom as having sex in a tent can be quite tight and, therefore, messy,” says Pippa.

Make sure the tent is properly secured

If everyone around you knowing when you’re shagging gives you the ick, you’re going to want to minimise tent shakes as much as physically possible. And Pippa says the best way to do this is stability. “Set up properly in the first place, with all guylines and stakes secured,” she says.

“Try pitching your tent on a flat, level surface too as naturally uneven ground can cause your tent to wobble more easily. You should also ensure that there’s plenty of weight in your tent. Try placing heavy objects, such as bags or backpacks, in the corners of the tent can help weigh it down and reduce shaking.”

Wait for a particularly loud set to get on stage

Even if your tent stays still, sex noises are still a concern. “If you feel too uncomfortable, try having sex when one of the main acts is on so that the tent area is less busy, or you could play music on a speaker to drown out any noises,” suggests Pippa.

Know when your friends are coming back

No one wants a walk in.

Baby wipe everything and DON’T drip dry

Girlies, you do not want a UTI while camping. “Women are more vulnerable to UTIs at festivals due to the ‘shaking clean method’ that so many have to do when they realise that there’s no toilet paper left,” explains Pippa. “However, wet wipes and toilet paper is the best way to prevent this as both prevent a more thorough cleaning, reducing the risk of infections and maintaining overall genital hygiene.

“As there’s often limited access to showers at a festival, it’s still important to practice hygienic sex to prevent an infection. If you’re camping, you should take anti-bacterial wipes and hand sanitiser to keep your hands and fingernails clean for foreplay, and general skin-to-skin contact. In addition, fragrance-free wet wipes are ideal for cleaning yourself pre- and post-sex. You should also bring a breath spray or mouthwash.”

Simply don’t have sex any later than the second day

Obviously, the earlier into your four days of field living you have sex, the cleaner you’ll be. And day two of the festival should really be your cut off point for an activity— everyone has been marinading in their own dirt way too long after that.  “Your tent will only get dirtier over time,” says Pippa. “And you’ll also lose your energy the longer the festival goes on. They can really take it out of you.”

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