The Fuck-it List

What do you really want to get out of your degree at Cambridge?
Is it a Blue? A First? Do you have ambitions of being Editor of The Tab? President of your JCR?

For some of us, true fulfilment actually lies in managing to do the deed in the most Cambridge locations there are, from the iconic to the niche.

To help you in the pursuit of this goal, The Tab has compiled a bucket list of prime locations for you to get it on: The Fuck-it List. Go forth and conquer.

1. In a punt

Sometimes you just need to know how to use a pole

Keep it private by heading towards Granchester, or rock the boat by navigating the backs. Always a pleasant, if slightly unsteady, ride.

2. Midsummer common

Afternoon delight

Bonus points if its with a rower, pre/post outing.

3. Orgasm bridge

Dem curves

The clue is in the name. Sure to be a TITilating experience.

4. Plodge

You can pigeon my hole any day (too crude? I'm sorry)

What better way to sweep someone off their feet than carrying them over the college threshold. Don’t get portered.

5. Your college library

Kama Sutra level

We all spend so much time there anyway, this one may just become a necessity rather than a challenge.

6. Emma pool/pond

Maybe don't attempt at 3:47 PM

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‘Sun, Sex and Suspicious Porters’ is the vibe we’re going for with this location. If you want your experience to be slightly less glam and slightly more challenging, brave the ducks and disturbingly large fish and opt for the pond instead (ask the Tit Hall drinking society boys for tips).

7. Spoons

Taking spooning to the extreme

Have a Danger Pre before a Danger Bang at Danger Spoons. Brave.

8. Girton

Flirtin' with Girton

We included this for the more dedicated among you. If you’ve got the stamina to make it all the way to Girton, you’re in for a good night.

9. The UL

Known for its phallic connotations

The UL lends itself to sneaky activity; it’s easy to get lost in the maze of corridors and shelves. Just make sure you don’t interrupt a finalist’s 5-minute crying break.

10. King’s chapel

A religious experience

Is this blasphemy?

11. Mainsbury’s

One of your 5-a-day

An option with something for everyone; it’s up to you which aisle to go for. For the uninitiated, start with the alcohol aisle tucked away at the back, or if you want some extra adrenaline opt for the dairy aisle, which has the added bonus of keeping you cool throughout.

Disclaimer: The Tab will not be held responsible for any arrests for indecent exposure.