A technical guide to having a threesome

It’s the Holy Grail of sex


Surely the only thing better than having sex is having sex with two people at the same time.

Everyone has a story about how close they apparently came to taking part in a threeway, but nobody talks about how to actually get the most desirable of sex acts and what part of your body to put where.

We consulted top sexpert Tracey Cox on the best way to have a threesome, whether boy-boy-girl or girl-girl-boy works best and the most effective positions.

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Sexpert Tracey Cox

How to find the right person — and the right other person

Whether it’s two girls one boy, two boys one girl, three girls, three boys – it’s better to have an idea in your head first.

Sexpert Tracey said: “It’s obvious but I’ve heard of a few jaws dropping when someone of the wrong sex arrives.

“You could try talking about threesomes to friends and see if anyone starts to suddenly drop by, asking for a cup of sugar at 11pm on a Saturday night. Just be warned sleeping with friends is by far the riskiest of all your options.

“The safest option of all if you’re a couple, in my opinion, is to hire a sex worker and meet them at a hotel. The benefits are anonymity, little risk of a relationship developing and everyone knows what they’re there for.

“If you live in a big city, Google ‘sex party’ or ‘swinging’ and you’ll find there are parties or venues filled to the brim with like-minded people. I’m not saying you’ll want to shag or even talk to all these people, but they will want what you want.”

Plan your moves well in advance

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What was the safe word again?

Tracey said: “Talk through everything: What if one person wants to stop and the other doesn’t? Come up with a code or a safe word which means stop, if you too embarrassed to say ‘stop’ in front of the other person.

“Is kissing allowed? Oral, intercourse, anal? Who is having sex with who? Are there any combinations that are banned, or that you quite fancy? It’s crucial to stick to these rules no matter how turned on you are.

Make a list of positions and do ’em all 

Oral, sex, anal and even double penetration are up for grabs. Here’s what Tracey recommends.

“The usual is to try to make sure all three play at the same time by making a chain. He’s licking her, she’s being licked and also fellating the third guy, for instance. Make sure you balance the give-take ratio.

“Then it’s up to you really to come up with combinations of oral, anal (previously agreed whether it’s a tongue, finger, penis, vibrator/strap-on), intercourse, double penetration. This is usually one penis in a vagina, the other in the anus.

What are you supposed to do about contraception?

Tracey’s advice is to turn up prepared with a big stack of condoms, as you’re going to need them.

She said: “Change condoms between partners and positions.

“But always remember, condoms aren’t absolute protection protection against STI’s. Fingers, tongues, semen, skin to skin contact – all spread infection.

Three is a crowd. Somebody always gets a bit left out

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Don’t be a third wheel

At times it’s going to get weird, just accept that.

Tracey said: “Jealousy in general is an enormous problem –there’s three of you in the bed remember so one person will sometimes feel left out.

“Catch a glimpse of chemistry between the two others and suddenly it’s not half as much fun.

“Do they fancy the new person more than you? Are they enjoying themselves more with them than they do with you? Is this person better in bed? Is the new person acting like your partner’s the best thing in bed since the vibrator?

“Some people do fall in love with the third party and ditch their partner for them. It doesn’t happen often but it does happen, particularly if the person is a friend.

“Post threesome blues also hit the third person in the bed. It’s common to feel flat and lonely afterward. The couple snuggle in, you’re pushed out.”

Two boys one girl is risky

Called a “Devil’s threeway” by some, just be aware of what you’re getting into.

Tracey said: “If it’s a MMF combo, watching your boyfriend or husband interact with another man can also be quite a shock. In your fantasy, both the men focus on you – that’s sort of the point, after all.

“One friend said ‘I watched my man’s hand reach over to grab the other guy’s penis and then lean forward for a kiss and I was so shocked I threw up’.

“Don’t know about you, but I’ve never found vomiting in bed terribly sexy. Even if you can handle it, thoughts of ‘Is he bi-curious or secretly gay?’ can plague you afterward.

Two girls one boy can get pretty stressful

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There’s a lot of pressure to perform

This is every boy’s dream, but if you’re not careful it can all get a bit much.

Tracey said: “Men often feel under pressure to perform with two women they can’t get an erection. His sexual confidence is shattered to smithereens and the ramifications can be dire.

“The best way to ensure impotence isn’t recurring is to forget about the time they had a one-off problem. Pretty hard to forget about this one.

It’s gonna be really fucking awkward

“No-one really knows who’s supposed to do what to do or when. Polite couples can find it turns into a ‘No, you go’, ‘No, no, you go’. Meanwhile the third person’s rolling their eyes and examining their nails.

Don’t do it while on MD, coke or when you’re smashed

You might struggle to get it up when you’re wired anyway, and bringing in an extra person isn’t going to help that.

Tracey said: “Lots of people use drugs before or during a threesome. Do yourselves a favour and only do this if you know the people you’re sleeping with.

Often you’re drunk, stoned or high on drugs like E or Coke and do it because it seemed like such a good idea at the time. All three work wonders to reduce inhibition.

“The trouble is your judgement disappears faster than your clothes. The ability to ‘read’ your partner – who may be less into it than you are – is fatally flawed.

“If you’re seeing six in the bed and having trouble focusing on anything, you’re in trouble.”

Get more sex advice from Tracey Cox on her website or follow her on Twitter.