Sun, sex and suspicious pseudonyms: Do these sordid students even exist?
So-called students told The Sun all about their sex lives, and it wasn’t pretty
Jack CummingsYou wouldn’t reveal your most graphic sex stories to a national newspaper, would you?
Whether you’re doing it in halls, your flat or even your uni library, clearly it doesn’t hurt to get a little more exposure.
Tabloid giants The Sun collected some students’ most vibrant X-rated sex tales.
First among the lustful yarns which might even make Christian Grey think twice is wild student “Alfie Bevy” – if that’s even his real name.
Alfie admitted: “I’ve been in a relationship for about three years and would describe our sex life as pretty good.”
Enlightening us further, he said: “We’ve never really tried anything exotic to spice things up but I’d be tempted by a threesome.”
Are you alright Alfie? You should probably have a word with your girlfriend before blurting out your deepest fantasies to a national newspaper.
This notorious exhibitionist, calling himself “Jack Pitt” is a 20-year-old club promoter from Coventry.
We absolutely love to hate club promoters, so let’s see if he breaks the stereotype.
“I have sex two or three times a week.” True to form so far.
He added: “I like it on the sofa. Or the shower is always a good one, as is the car. I like risks.”
Alarm bells are ringing. Jack the Lad doesn’t look like he’s showered in months, let alone being old enough to drive.
It gets better. 21-year-old Leeds student “Rachel Burns”, presumably nicknamed “third degree”, confessed: “I have sex about once a week with the same person. He’s kind of a fuck buddy of mine.”
Making her Sun-reading (probably) parents proud, Rachel backtracks: “I’m not into anything too weird. I only ever have sex in the bedroom and I don’t use toys.”
“Jack White” from Pontefract is positively dying to tell us about his “very active sex life” and penchant for anal beads.
In modern society, a prominent feature in a national newspaper is always the best place to admit you and your poor girlfriend “enjoy a bit of anal now and again.”
All the while his eyes stare out of the page and into your soul, bidding you the same unfortunate fate while he presumably belts out “Seven Nation Army”.
Eat your heart out club promoter “Jack Pitt”. This guy had sex in the cinema, “while watching Life of Pi” to be precise. Not exactly a riveting review to rival Roger Ebert.