Watching the first episode of The O.C., 10 years on

It is physically painful to think about how The O.C. has now been out of our lives for a full decade. It’s just another bitter reminder that our collective youth, like both Marissa’s life and short-lived lesbian phase, is as over as the show.

Who knew at the time what an impact the show would have on both pop culture and teen society as a whole? The show all but single-handedly spawned the indie music craze, launched what would become stalwart reality shows Laguna Beach, The Hills, and the entire Real Housewives franchise, and kickstarted the career of Josh Schwartz who brought us that other show about sexy, rich teenagers living in a glamorous but drama-filled locale.

In a desperate bid to recapture our golden days, we rewatched the first episode of The O.C. a decade after its death to see what’s changed, what’s the same and just how well it held up.

Note: please play “California” by Phantom Planet as you scroll through this article for effect.

We cold-open on Chino, which we know because some incredibly helpful graffiti artist (Banksy?) has spray painted CHINO across a building right where Ryan and his brother are about to commit grand theft auto on the shittiest looking car I’ve ever seen in the 21st century.

Right away, we know that both Ryan and his brother (who for some reason has a Brooklyn accent) are Bad Guys From The Wrong Side Of The Tracks™ because they’re wearing wife-beaters and shirts with no sleeves and fake eyebrow piercings clipped onto their skin. 

Wow, this Ryan guy must be bad news right? Wrong, because he’s just the right amount of hesitant, proving he knows crime is bad. He’s only swept up into this mess because a police car inexplicably and against all laws of logic can tell they’re stealing a car from 100 yards away. Sad!

Ryan’s now tragically in jail and forced to meet with a bushy-browed, fish-lipped public defender when (twist!) we find out Ryan’s actually a genius with SAT scores way, way better than mine. Could it be? Redemption nigh? Thank god his lawyer comes equipped with that proverbial heart of gold.

More of Ryan’s tragic backstory is unlocked and after a v sad incident with his alcoholic mom and her abusive boyfriend, he packs his bags and GTFOs as the opening keys of Phantom Planet’s iconic anthem play and the show title floats across the screen. Do you remember where you were when you first heard this song?

As the song crescendos, Ryan, with no where else to go, fishes Sandy’s card from his pocket and I’m struck by how emotional I feel?? The O.C. was emo as fuck and almost dark in a way that Gossip Girl was not. Maybe it’s because in only one show the ‘outsider’ has a truly tragic backstory, maybe it’s because Chino is a significantly bleaker setting than Williamsburg. I feel deeply sad for Ryan and just like that, I’m officially invested in this fucking show all over again.

They hop into Sandy’s slick lil Beamer and power up what I’m choosing to call the 101 (could be literally any highway, actually) and into Orange County, where we immediately see that everything is beautiful and decidedly un-shit because tan women bounce around in bikinis and waves crash into rocks.

Finally we meet Marissa Cooper, consummate poor little rich girl, style icon, and deaf person because no one with intact hearing could still bum a cig off a man who just said he’s “Whoever you want me to be.” It’s clear that Marissa is Not Like Other Girls™ though — she troubled, you guys! She has sexual chemistry with guys who steal cars and smokes!

Ryan’s living it the fuck up in a pool house bigger than my apartment when we finally meet him. Him. You know who I mean. The reason for my existence, without whom I would fling myself into the sun: Seth Cohen. Fast-talking, friendless, neurotic, Death Cab For Cutie-loving. Remember when we all loved (read: pretended to love) Death Cab? Simpler times.

Seth reveals that he has a boat named for and an entire fictional life based around a girl named Summer, to whom he’s never spoken. And where 13-year-old me thought that was the most romantic thing I’d ever heard, 23-year-old me is deeply concerned for Summer’s safety. This is the kind of behavior that leads to folks cutting off other folks’ skin and wearing it like one of Bret Michael’s vinyl raincoats.

We learn more about why Marissa is so troubled — her hot dad is a liar and a scammer and a real messy bitch who lives for drama but I don’t caaaare because every adult plot line that’s not relevant to Queen Julie Cooper-Nichol is so dull.

Ahhh Marissa’s little sister is Shailene Woodley! Who honestly might be the biggest star to emerge from this entire series.

We fiiiinally see Summer, who is, of course, attracted to Ryan (along with half the cater waiters at the function). The fashion show commences and it’s set to that song “All Around the World,” which you may recognize from the Lizzie McGuire Movie soundtrack because all of my pop culture universes collide at one point or another. Everyone’s wearing hideous 00s outfits and makeup which Summer and Marissa must realize because they decide to get fucked up as Jimmy The Scammer cries in the bathroom.

Everyone’s partying at the beach house to the sounds of “Swing, Swing” by the All-American Rejects which delights me to no fucking end because, clearly, I am still stuck in 2004.

Summer reveals that she is in fact a legend as she tries to swipe at Ryan’s crotch, but Seth catches them and outs Ryan’s past, leading to the best line in the entire four-season series — say it with me now: “Chino? Ew!”

The fakest and most homoerotic fight I’ve ever seen breaks out between Seth, Ryan and Luke, who just cheated on Marissa, and we’re given the gift of the second best line of the entire series, which we will also say in unison: “Welcome to the O.C., bitch!”

Things get v sad, though, when Ryan discovers Marissa’s passed-out body unceremoniously dumped outside of her house (who among us?) and carries her in his arms (FORESHADOWING!) into the pool house. He’s about to leave for Chino at the behest of Seth’s mom, KiKi the undercover hoe. Everyone is sad as they’ve never met  poor person before and befriending Ryan could have really boosted their college apps.

Everyone in Ryan’s house is gone though (um, yesss, free house!) but he doesn’t look on the bright side like I do. Sandy takes pity (I guess we all have character flaws) and brings him back where this dysfunctional cycle will continue for four seasons.

I don’t remember the series being as emo as it was, but that almost makes it better. The only thing that doesn’t fully hold up are the flare jeans and leather necklaces, but fashion is cyclical so it’s only a matter of time. All in all, the series still looks excellent and now I’ve sucked myself into the black hole of needing to consume every episode in 48-hours. California, here I come at the expense of my social life.