Guys, is Fox News OK? I’m really worried

Guys, I’m really worried about Fox. This morning they texted me saying “Most men just want a woman who’s nice,” and I’m not sure, but I think they’re breaking up with me.

It’s weird, I always thought I’d break up with them first.

“Nice,” to a man, means being “soft, gentle and kind,” they told me — I just wish they’d said it sooner. I want to be there for them, but it’s like they’ve already made up their mind.

So I did the only thing I could: I asked them how to change.

“Asking how our day was and really listening,” or “Doing something nice with no expectation of getting something in return.” They claim I’ve been too busy focusing on myself lately, and it’s true.

I feel awful — I don’t know how I didn’t see it.

When I apologized, they explained, “Women say they want a nice guy but in reality they want a bad boy.” And it makes sense men should be excused from being nice — we don’t make it clear enough that’s what we’re looking for.

So I tried to make myself softer. I thought I was already nice but apparently I was “acting.” “There’s such a thing as putting your needs last,” they reminded me, and I cannot believe I allowed my vision to become clouded.

When I asked if they could explain in more detail, they simply said, “That’s what men like: women who are easy to love.”

Guess I’m an unlovable bitch.