I’m the living example of what a coffee addiction can do to you

I’m the living example of what a coffee addiction can do to you.

Mostly to your bank account in all honesty. Within the span of nine months, I’ve spent $429.64 at Starbucks, Saxbys, and other coffee shops around Philadelphia and my hometown in New Jersey.

Yes, you might be thinking, “this girl needs help or a new hobby” or “coffee addicts are a crazy bunch of people”.  But my first year at college and away from my family and friends was hard, so I drank a lot of coffee to make myself content.

As I was calculating my coffee expenses from my bank statements, I realized that I might have gone a little overboard. Starbucks should have restricted me from coming in too many times, I will admit.

Thanks Jenna for making my iced coffee at the perfect ice and coffee ratio.

My decision to quit coffee for 30 days wasn’t on the financial side ironically, but it was on a spiritual level. In the 30 days, I would give up coffee and I would be given a verse on the Bible app that I downloaded everyday.

I needed a sign to show me that I was on the right path – so I relied on my faith to give me some sort of comfort.

And yes, I did it with no withdrawals at all – I completed the 30 days without coffee.

Day 1

The first day, I felt like my body was yearning for my typical iced coffee run. My typical morning routine consisted of coffee and oatmeal, so I felt out of place for the first time. My inner demons were saying “Use your debit card and drive to a coffee shop, you only live once!”

But I knew this 30 day plan was for something bigger than myself, so I just shed a couple of tears of sadness and moved on with my day.

Day 2-5

There are many reasons why people drink coffee. Some drink it because they need an extra kick in the morning or some like me, need it to be normal throughout the day.

Coffee to me, keeps me less embarrassing and awkward around people. It was on the third day of no coffee that I attended my hometown high school graduation, and I was a complete mess. I still have no idea why I was anxious and acting weird, but things happen for a reason.

These days were utterly hard since I wasn’t feeling myself and I missed drinking coffee by myself at a cafe to reevaluate my life choices. I wondered why these things would happen to me and I couldn’t find any sense of happiness of my own.

Day 6

You know what’s worst than seeing your ex? Walking through NYC and remembering the good ole times. As a girl who lives too close to the city, my typical routine for a NYC, consists of coffee and a bagel from my favorite spots.

IT WAS SO HARD TO NOT GO INSIDE AND GRAB A COFFEE! I refused to be the girl who orders tea at a coffee shop, so I made the hard decision of walking away *Kelly Clarkson, here’s your cue*.

I was going a little nuts, but my biggest test came days after. I just went on my Bible app and let Jesus take the wheel on this one.

Day 7-10

I gave into the Iced Tea trend since I couldn’t order my usual iced coffee (the barista looked shocked at my order and I gave him the same look back).

I gave in, I’m a sham.

Day 11-15

By the 11th-15th day, I was ill.

I found out from my doctor that I was Vitamin D deficient and that explained why I felt so weak all the time. I thought I was just sad with the way my life was going, so I just slept throughout the mornings and ignored life passing by around me.

I was tired of being the girl who screws up every single good thing in her life, so I took some time and remained at home or worked at my job. I was 15 days in and anxious of how the next days would be like.

Day 16-20

As I mentioned before, my reasoning of giving up coffee came from the confusion of what I should pursue in a career. For the first time in a long, long time since I came back from my trip to the border, I found peace with the fact that I’m not capable of completing everything on my own. What I experienced in those few days changed me to the woman that I am today. Those memories were the reasons why I wanted to advocate for undocumented immigrants rights so much, but I wanted to do it all alone.

In those days of no coffee, I went outside of my comfort zone (cliff jumping and I cut my hair in a rebellion). I never felt so alive and I didn’t have coffee as the excuse of my tiny source of happiness.

Day 20-29

It’s funny how life works. You get one thing taken away or in my case, I stopped drinking something that I cherished so much – but then I received something so much better.

On the day that this photo was taken – I was an emotional mess because I decided to leave my job to enjoy my summer and be ready to return back to college. I didn’t want to see anyone that night, but my best friends encouraged me for some sushi and I decided to go. I would usually make myself a cup of coffee and just watch sappy movies to make myself  laugh when I’m feeling upset, so this was a brand new thing for me to go out and talk about my ‘feelings’.

I truly believe if I didn’t make the pact with the man upstairs, I would have not ever gotten to feel an extra connection with my girls. I sobbed, cried, laughed – they understood me better than I understood myself.

Day 30

Despite the days when I wondered if it was okay to have a withdrawal, I’m so glad that I didn’t drink a sip of coffee. It was a learning experience that taught me self-control and belief that I could do it. The daily bible verses that I would read encouraged me to keep on going – my faith grew ten times with each day passing by.

The 30 days plan showed me that patience is key. It felt good to not rely on a habit to keep me happy. I even learned to embrace the weird side of me and accept the fact that I will never be the girl who will not embarrass herself in front of a man.

Just like Kanye raps, “Everything I’m not, made me everything I am”; I might have not been the smartest noodle and spent a month’s rent on coffee. But, if it wasn’t for my imperfections – I would have never grown to the woman I am today.

I completed the 30 days and you know what’s the best part of all of this? I didn’t even drink coffee the next day.