My best friend happens to be gay but he’s not a ‘GBF’

Every basic girl’s dream is to have the perfect matching gay best friend (or GBF if we’re getting really basic). Someone she can gawk over hot boys with, someone who will give her fashion advice, and someone who she can troll around like a trendy fashion accessory.

Luckily, I’ve been granted with the holy trinity of gay best friends, but I can assure you that he doesn’t fit a single one of the stereotypes mentioned above (because none of those stereotypes are true of all gay men), and it’s because of that that he is without a doubt the most amazing friend I have ever had.

Actually he just is the most amazing friend I’ve ever had regardless of his sexuality, but that’s the point: a person’s sexuality has nothing to do with the value of them as a person.

First and foremost, I would like to start off by saying that I was his friend years before he ever officially came out to me and long before he came out publicly. The development of our friendship was natural and casual. We often stayed away from any discussion of sexuality because neither of us cared. However, our empathy wasn’t a form of insensitivity, it was a way of showing the desire to develop a real friendship before anything else.

The day he came out to me, though a day filled with love and happiness (we went out for pizza afterwards), was still nothing too special because I wanted to remind him that that fact him didn’t change a thing about how I felt. If anything changed it was simply an added amount of love and acceptance.

As he continued to come out to more of our friends, others loved referring to him as their “gay best friend” or their “GBF.” It was plastered all over social media under pictures holding Starbucks Frappuccinos or alongside tweets referencing “long phone calls with the GBF.” It started to seem that his sexuality became the focus of much of his life and he became an object. But really we all are more than our sexuality. So why does it matter when someone’s gay?

I honestly think I love him more because he doesn’t fit any stereotypes. I’m usually the one giving him fashion advice. Our taste in men are polar opposites. And if I ever take him shopping, he usually wants to leave.

The movie ‘When Harry Met Sally’ argues the point that “men and women can’t be just friends without sex getting in the way for at least one party,” and while I can’t argue for or against that theory, I can confirm that there are benefits to having a friend of the opposite gender that isn’t remotely interested in you (he likes to remind me daily). There is no awkward sexual tension and we aren’t competing with each other. It a pure friendship built on love and support. It’s simply learning from someone’s very different perspective.

Even my mom has fallen in love with him. She’s granted me permission to marry him several times even after he came out to her.

But I think she loves the two of us together because she knows how deeply we care for each and the value of love we share. I have never once doubted that he loves me for who I am. I wholeheartedly know that there isn’t an alternative motive for being my friend (because sorry, dude, friendship’s all I’ve got for ya).

So can we stop saying we all need a perfect “gay best friend?” Because gay or straight, girl or guy, friends should be people who support you no matter what, despite the “benefits” they can seemingly give us. They should be the ones who know what breaks your heart and try to avoid it. They should be the ones that know what brings you happiness and try to deliver it.

Having a gay man as my best friend has taught the true meaning of friendship and for that I thank him. But he’s not only my gay best friend, he’s simply my best friend that happens to be gay.