Being single was the best thing to ever happen to my love life

It took me being single for me to learn about love and find the greatest relationship of my life.

What does that mean? That can’t be right. Except it is.

When I entered college, I was single and I tried so hard. I went to every social event and party trying to meet new people. I would sit by new people at lunch whenever I could to broaden my horizons. Pretty much every time I went out, it was with the intention of hopefully meeting Mr. Right.

Well guess what? Pretty much every time I went out, I met another Mr. Wrong. I would go on a date or two and the sparks weren’t there. I began to wonder what was wrong with me. All around me, relationships blossomed and people were in love effortlessly, but I was not.

After a while, I grew accustomed to being single and I stopped trying to find a relationship. Only after I gave up on love did I find the perfect relationship for me. That seems to be a trend. We find love often we’ve given up on finding it.

I began to wonder why that is. So I reflected on what I learned when I was single about love.

You have to love yourself before anyone else can love you

Of all of the seven billion people on this Earth, you are your #1 fan. You know your greatest strengths and you are your greatest advertiser. If you don’t love yourself, there’s no reason for anyone else to (mum and dad aside, because let’s get real…they’ll love you no matter what). If you cannot see your own worth, you’ll have a much harder time showing other people your worth. When I was single, I learned that loving myself was the most important thing about being single and being in a relationship.

Being single for a long time raises your standards

Having been single for quite a while, I was in no hurry anymore to find a relationship. I had a routine. I woke up, worked out, went to work or class, went to the gym again, cooked, read a book, and went to bed. I’d spend time with family and friends over the weekends and I was genuinely happy with my life. I had grown accustomed to being single so you can imagine… it took a lot to get me to change my routine. I wasn’t going to change my life for just anyone. It had to be someone special.

You can do it

Not to be stereotypical, but you are a strong independent woman who don’t need no man. Without a man in your life, you learn that you can fix your computer, you can cook for yourself, you can keep yourself safe, etc. Of course, I love my boyfriend and I love everything he does for me, but when I was single, I learned that I can do it. I became a much less needy person and now it’s just a perk to have someone to cook with and to have someone who loves me enough to help me in my life, as I do for him.

You come to know yourself and what you want

When you’re single and on your own, you become less influenced by other people. You don’t have a partner to rely on and evolve to become more like. What you do have is the time to figure out who you are. I only did things I wanted to do. I watched shows I wanted to watch. I went places I wanted to go. I learned what my values are without the influence of another human being. A relationship is just two individuals who face life together. I learned who I was as an individual and then found a man whose individuality complemented mine – the perfect team!

Honesty and communication are key

Because we were now two individuals who love ourselves and our separate ways of life, we were honest with each other from the start. I tell him when I just want some alone time to watch my own show on Netflix. He tells me when he wants to go hang out with his friends and play video games. We don’t lie to each other or dance around our feelings because we’ve realized it’s pointless if we want our relationship to be fulfilling for both of us.

So let me repeat myself and hopefully it makes sense now: it took me being single to learn how to love and how to be myself in a relationship. Basically, being single was the best thing that could have ever happened to my love life.