How I got over my toxic relationship in just seven days

We all have that person – I like to call him the “lurking lover.” He’s hot and cold but if you’re being honest with yourself, he’s mostly cold. And yet every time he shows you attention, you let go of reason and fall back into his grip.

I made the mistake of dating my lurking lover. After a cycle of him toying with me for almost two years, he decided that he wanted to date me. Of course I thought it was a good idea because what girl doesn’t want to believe she changed a fuckboy. I believed it and jumped in full-throttle and was blinded by all of the wrongs he did because it seemed as if everything was so right. But ladies, the reason why you have a lurking lover is just this simple: You’re an independent badass bitch.

My lurking lover decided to date me because he thought he could handle me. He thought he was ready to date an independent girl who wasn’t afraid to speak her mind about the things she really believed in. So yes, I made the mistake of dating him and in the end it was an absolute shit show. I felt that he dulled my sparkle and I no longer felt confident about myself and he ended it with me after just a few weeks. I’ve learned so much in the short time that he was able to commit himself fully to me.

I don’t blame myself for dating him because after being in a toxic relationship and recognizing that it was not healthy, it’s so much easy to get over. It’s been just one week and I feel as if I’m shining brighter than ever. Officially letting go of my toxic relationship in every way allowed me to find my sparkle again.

This week I tried a bunch of tactics to remind myself of who I was again in order to get over this boy once and for all. No more reruns, I wanted a new season all to myself. So here’s what I accomplished this week, we’ll call it the five step guide to recovering your independence.

I went to SoulCycle

This workout reminded me of my inner warrior. As I peddled through the highest resistance on the bike my instructor reminded me that the game was all mental. When I thought I could no longer pick up my speed I reminded myself that I was able to overcome this and reach an inner calm that allowed me to push through the class and thrive. I thrived as I peddled as hard as I could to the beat of the music and in that moment… nothing else mattered but my own progress. I felt like me again.

I went shopping with my best friend

Being with a friend who really knows you is the best confidence booster a girl can ask for. And as for the shopping, retail therapy is the best kind of therapy although probably more expensive than most psychologists. I tried on all kinds of fabulous outfits that made me feel fierce. Anybody who is dumb enough to not notice you in all your glory and comment on your beauty when you were willing to boost them up when they needed it is not worth sulking over. This shopping trip reminded me that I have a support system and bunch of new clothes to show off my assets.

I drove around in my car listening to my idols sing all day

Beyonce and Christina Aguilera, I’d just like to thank you both for being there for me in my time of need. I sang along with these ladies in my car with the windows down throughout the day and their soulful voices helped me feel back on top of the world. Bey’s “Best Thing I Never Had” is basically an ode to fuckboys everywhere and how she’s over all that like last year’s shoes. Christina Aguilera’s “Fighter” had me tapping into my inner rock star and I never felt more powerful. So I’d like to say to my fuckboy… as I learned from my girl, Xtina, thank you for making me that much stronger.

I wore a cute outfit just because

If I learned anything from West Side Story it’s that I like to feel pretty, witty, and gay. I put on one of my favorite dresses and pulled my hair back and I felt confident and in control. If you’re comfortable in heels, go for it and throw on your favorite pair. This step was an experiment for me. I wasn’t so sure how putting on a pretty dress would make me feel better but it sure did. I came out of my room and went to get some Italian food with my family. I felt feminine and happy and yet although this step may feel materialistic, I also still felt “witty.” This was a genius idea, laying in bed with the same clothes on for three days to cry over a boy is counterproductive. But getting the energy to get out of my house and look good will make you feel good too. Bye Felicia, I’m too busy working it to care about anything but my own happiness right now.

Watch a TV show with a badass main heroine

I chose “Quantico” and I highly recommend it. Alex Parrish plays an FBI agent who is stronger than all of her fellow trainees, guys and girls included. She then is framed for terrorism and is the most wanted woman in America and still manages to prove her innocence while kicking some serious butt in the process. If Alex Parrish can get through being on the top of the FBI’s most wanted list then I can get over a boy and move on. She inspired me to lead a life that was stronger and more focused. I have so many aspirations and hobbies that I could be putting my energy into instead of focusing on a relationship that was unhealthy for me in the first place.

So there you have it. That’s all I needed to help me to get over my toxic relationship. I also want to take a moment for a strategy that could precede all of these steps. That would be to let go of your lurking lover and not date him in the first place. Anybody who can’t give you their full attention or be completely honest with their feelings with you in the first place is dealing with issues that they do not need to drag you down with.

Let him go; I promise you deserve better.