I talked to college girls about their love-hate relationship with hookup culture

Time and time again, I’ve seen girls torn up about “that guy from last night.” And yet, despite this, we keep going to parties and meeting another “guy from last night.” In spite of our best efforts, we keep getting drawn back into hookup culture.

I asked some girls about their experiences with hookup culture to find out more about our love-hate relationship.

For some girls, hookup culture ruins the idea that sex is sacred. Jenni from the University of Maryland said, “I always imagined sex as some magical experience where two people are so crazy about each other and connect and have a great time in bed, but hookup culture completely ruined that for me.

“If a guy wants to hook up with me, I don’t even feel like he really likes me, because he’s probably hooking up with 10 different girls at the same time. I’m just a number to him.”

I’ve seen Jenni’s mindset in play with some of my own friends. One of my closest friends hooked up with someone a couple times, but around campus he didn’t even acknowledge her, nor did he ever get her number. Those actions said more than words. Eventually, things between them died off and she deleted him from social media. She stood up for herself, and I was so proud. No girl deserves the disrespect he showed her.

Others, however, see hookup culture as simply enjoying the single life. Jessica from Pitt explains, “I like having that intimacy [in sex] when I’m in love, but I don’t know when that’s going to happen again and why should I deny myself sex while I’m waiting?” This casual hookup culture meant she could enjoy no-strings-attached sex. “We had a great arrangement. Call each other if nothing else was going on, and then he’d leave.”

Bethany from Ithaca College had something similar: “It was great to know that I wasn’t getting hurt and that the guys… weren’t getting hurt either because we both understood that it was nothing serious.”

And what about the parties that we often find our hookups at? No matter how crowded and sweaty they are, we always seem to go back. For Jessica, that’s because, “I can meet a guy, go home with him, and (mostly) not be shamed by my friends… It’s nice to not have to treat sex…like it’s something really intimate.”

For Erica from Ohio State, “if the girl is the one doing the booty calls, initiating the hook ups, and sending the flirty texts/snaps, it’s kind of empowering.” After all, what girl doesn’t feel good about herself when the guy you’ve been eyeing all night goes home with you?

So I guess that’s what keeps us going. If you’re not ready to settle down, then why deny yourself some fun? Until we’re ready to find something more serious, hookups are the perfect in between. Some guys suck, and they use us for our bodies, but hey, if it’s mutual and understood, why not?

It’s strange, but in the words of Amanda from Warwick, “While you feel like you’re just a ‘body’, you can’t help but feel that at the time, you are the biggest princess in the universe and you’re being treated right.”