Everything I know in life, I learned from my mother and grandmother

I was getting ready one morning and heard my grandmother’s – who had passed away six years prior – voice in my head: “If you put perfume in your cleavage it will be more noticeable when you’re talking to people.” I must’ve heard those words when I was five or six, or maybe even heard them secondhand, but there they were, out of nowhere, in my mind at the age of sixteen or seventeen.

I’ve had the fortune of being bombarded with unsolicited advice from my family for the last twenty years. Some things are common knowledge, others just my beloved mother’s quirks being projected onto me – but regardless of their origin, these (often annoying) nuggets of wisdom somehow have become engrained in my mind.

Perhaps the perfume example isn’t entirely relevant to my every day life, but from that moment on, more and more of what had gone in one ear and out the other for so many years, especially pertaining to relationships, was coming back to me when I didn’t know I needed it the most. Maybe it didn’t always apply directly, but I always find inspiration in the words of the wonderful women in my family who have walked the same path before me.

‘We should always be in relationships with people who love us more than we love them’

My grandmother was famous for saying this. I’ve always seen that as a sort of fuckboy repellant, and as a reminder that if you have to chase someone and constantly prove yourself to them, they are most certainly not worth even a morsel of your time. At the same time, that’s obviously not advice to be with someone that you don’t care about just because they shower you with affection, but rather, be with someone you don’t have to second guess yourself around.

‘Don’t marry someone just because they make you laugh, because you certainly won’t be laughing when there’s no money’

My sister once said this me, referring to one of her friends, while browsing through clothing racks on a November afternoon in London. While in that moment she might’ve been telling me to marry for money – definitely not the best advice – the core of what she was saying was true. You have to be able to see beyond face-value and find someone you can truly trust. Not just someone who makes you laugh, but someone who can be supportive of you, and be your partner in all aspects of life. If you’re going to make the commitment to marry someone, that relationship shouldn’t have to be a hindrance on your growth and happiness later in life.

‘Be content with yourself’

The most real-life advice any woman in my family has given me has come from my 22-year-old cousin, who has cycled through everything not too long before me. She has taught me time and again the importance and success in being content with one’s self. If you have faith in yourself and you’re happy being the powerful, invincible force that is you, not only are you happy as you are, but you open yourself up to more possibilities with greater chances of things working out, because coming so far on your own makes you so much more aware of those who hold you back.

‘Those who wish to sing, always find a song’

Words my mother says to me every time I chastise her for belting out a song with completely incorrect lyrics, but somehow go beyond that moment. This rings true to so many parts of life, and I only realized that as I was trying to find a way to pass my math exam. If you want something badly enough in life, you find a way to make it happen – it might not always be obvious or even intentional, but things have a way of working out exactly as they’re meant to, and in your favor, if it’s good for you.

The women in my family, as scatterbrained as they can be, have never once let me down. While they’re not always physically present they’re always there in spirit. Their words have carried me through the darkest of days and the greatest of moments and as much as I roll my eyes – they’ll get stuck in that position, according to my mother – I wouldn’t be half the woman I am without them.