These are officially the scariest things you can encounter as a Notts student

Aside from the campus geese cos everyone already knows that

6 months ago

Another year gone already, and Halloween is upon us – this Halloweekend the streets of Nottingham were filled with NTU and UoN students alike in varying degrees of undress, and you can expect more of the same tonight. You’ll undoubtedly encounter endless amounts of girls dressed as Playboy bunnies, cats, devils, or this year, a whole hoard of Barbies and Kens.

Anyway, while Halloween is definitively the spookiest time of year of all, there are certain things that would send a chill through the spine of any Notts student, whatever time of year it is. So, we’ve compiled a definitive list of the scariest things you can encounter as a Nottingham student. Boo!

One of your lecturers at Mojo

Starting off with something that has happened to me before, seeing your lecturer anywhere on a night out has to be one of the most disturbing experiences you can go through. There’s something about it being in Mojo, however, which just makes it worse. It’s one of those liminal spaces loved by students but frequented occasionally by the odd middle-aged person, so when you see a university staff member in there it’s like your whole world has been thrown off-kilter. Why are you not at the pub? Why aren’t you in Popworld with the other middle-aged people? I think I’d cope better seeing them at Crisis, because at least that’s so outrageous it’s funny, rather than extremely disorientating.

Your ex-sneaky link in Derby Road Sainsbury’s

Picture it: You’ve gone for your post-dindins sweet treat in everyone’s favourite Sainsbury’s Local, you’re dressed to the zeros because you just came in to get a Krispy Kreme, when all of a sudden, you see them: The one that got away. The person you locked eyes with across Ocean a few months ago and spent some very special time together, all for them to ghost you after getting the ick with you after you threw up outside Spoons on what was never officially called a date but definitely was one. It’s awkward. You don’t know if you should look away or say hello or continue making very bewildered eye contact, you just want to get out of Sainsbury’s but the self-service checkouts are glitching and you have to stand there red-faced while a staff member helps you out. I just shuddered thinking about it.

The 34 bus not stopping

Every Lenton resident will be familiar with having conflicting feelings about the 34 bus. On the one hand, it takes you right into the heart of campus, an absolute blessing for the Humanities students. On the other, if you dare try and get on it before about 10:30am, expect the driver to just breeze on past your stop because the bus is too full. This is especially shit as someone whose only 9am is in the Trent Building (on a Thursday, no less), meaning I always either have to brave the long walk up Portland Hill or just skip (I skip xx). Logically, it makes sense as to why they don’t stop if they can’t let anyone on, but the 34 bus just airing you is still a) somehow insulting and b) panic-inducing, because how are you meant to get to your lecture on the other side of campus when you were banking on the journey taking maximum ten minutes and it’s now seven minutes to?

The George Green café

There’s something about the café in George Green that is just so scary. The queue is always absolute carnage, the panini have always sold out by 1pm, and the staff are yelling to tell you your order is ready but you can’t hear them over the din of the ground floor. Whoever designed that library really didn’t consider the acoustics of the ground floor because the volume somehow increases tenfold the second you get down the steps. Not to mention the number of times everyone goes up to collect a coffee that isn’t theirs because they can’t hear the name being called out, and then having to do the walk of shame back to their spot to wait for their own order.

Topless men in Ocean

I could have left it at men in Ocean full stop, but I decided to go the extra mile to give you all an extra chill. So many students come to Nottingham knowing nothing about Ocean, as any older students they know tell them “you just have to experience it” and so they oblige, not having any idea what’s in store for them. The night starts off like an actually quite fun school disco but with blue VKs instead of Fruit Shoots, but as soon as it hits 1am everything descends into chaos as guys as far as the eye can see strip off and boogie with their shirts over their heads.

Even as someone in their final year, I just don’t understand it. Why during the Baywatch theme? Why is it always right as the night is finally getting good, only to be brutally ripped away by the sight of some bloke’s nipples in your face? Why are they all so happy about it?

Nightingale Hall

Nightingale residents, I’m sorry, but your hall is horrific. It somehow always comes out as the best UoN hall but I just can’t get past the fact that it looks like the Tower of Terror. I’m sure your social scene and the fact that you live two minutes from David Ross is great but do you not feel like you’re stepping into the Twilight Zone every time you go inside, and especially when you go up that bloody lift? Maybe I’m too superstitious, but I just don’t think I could sleep a night in that place.

Your student ID not letting you in at David Ross Sports Village

The final scariest thing you can experience as a Nottingham student is your student card not working when trying to get into David Ross. Whether you’re a lucky fresher who now gets free gym membership (I was in the last year that didn’t get this and I hate you all for getting it for free), or a sports newbie who’s just trying to play IMS netball, that formidable red light is enough to strike fear into the hearts of anyone.