What your cleavage says about you

If your tatas could talk this is what they’d say


Boobs. Whether you’re an A or an FF, whether you love ’em or hate ’em, don’t underestimate them. And don’t think they’ll organise themselves.

When it comes to fashion, what you choose to do with your bosom is of life and death importance.

Whether you’re getting them out for the world to see or smuggling raisins on bra-free weeks, your cleavage is saying a lot.

When you have it free for all to see


Socks were harmed in the making of this photo

You’ve done it – you’ve gone for the big guns.

Making your norks the focal point of your appearance is a big statement, and no doubt one that will get you a few haters.

It’s a look that reaches its full potential with low cut tank tops, white v-necks and taking sexy albeit slightly deceptive (if you’ve stuffed your bra) selfies.

If you’re going for this look, you’re pretty much the walking embodiment of the “If you’ve got it, flaunt it” sentiment.

You’re ready for eyes to be trained squarely on your cleavage – and if you’re not, you should be. We’re only human after all. Prepare for the stare.

When it’s really inappropriate


There’s nothing wrong with showing some skin, but save it for the right place.

When you show up to your 9am lecture flaunting your bodacious bust it’s for one of two reasons.

Maybe you failed last term’s essay and you’re taking another approach by using your goods to your advantage. Or you simply haven’t changed out of last night’s look.

It doesn’t just stop at uni, or worse, interviews, but some will take this look all the way to the gym.

When your breasts look like they’re going to pop out and hit the person next to you, it’s obvious breaking a sweat is the last thing on your mind.

Get off the treadmill and into a sports bra, this is neither the time nor the place.

When you don’t have enough to fill your top


‘You could always try socks?’

It’s in the female nature to want what we don’t have but when it comes to stuffing a C cup with an A cup asset, there is no hope.

Everyone can see your struggle, but at least you’ve tried. Whether you’re stuffing your bra with socks, wearing clothes that are just that bit too small around the chest, or going wild with the bronzer to try to create That Crease.

You’ll feel and look a lot better if you just work with what you have. Embrace it, tell everyone it’s high fashion.

Flat is the new black.

When you could show some more


An example of standard night out boobage

How much or how little cleavage you show is the most important decision when getting ready for a night out.

It’s easy to get cold feet two minutes before the taxis arrive and put the plunging necklines – maybe you want to be a bit more “tasteful”, maybe you’re just a bit cold, maybe it’s a legs-not-boobs night.

Sure, you don’t always need cleavage to have a good time, but there’s nothing worse than going half-assed and regretting your group shots the next day when you wish you’d gone half an inch lower.

When you just couldn’t give a fuck


This is what real comfort looks like

Love might make you happy, sex might make you happy, watching hours of Netflix while in bed hungover might make you happy – but nothing, and I mean nothing, will give you the happiness you get from being a released from a 10 hour day of boob jail.

Sure, you can get some pretty bras, but it’s tempting to embrace that feeling of end-of-the-day bra-less freedom and channel it all day long.

Think backless tops, think early-90’s Jen Aniston nipples – think freedom.

No judgement. No bra.

When you don’t have anything anyway


“Is that her back?”

You can cross being a Victoria’s Secret Angel off the list, but don’t worry, you’re not alone. You share this flat chest syndrome with more than half the population.

On the other hand it has its perks, at least you don’t have to wear a bra (or hold your boobs while you run upstairs either).