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We are now 8th in the Guardian Universities League Table

Don’t panic

Ay world what’s happenin fam

County FC are back

Maybe not for chips and gravy though

You shouldn’t need a cleaner

Pendle > your shit college

It’s not about not getting drunk, it’s about still being semi-functional when you are

The first step is attending

You’ll see them all in the first few days

It’s gonna be a biggie

Bye bye bae

It’s basically stalking

A guide to getting your rocks off where others get their read on

Hide your sweaty palms

‘I’d probably send them a McChicken Sandwich’