Here’s a ranking of the best club smoking areas in Exeter, from a non-smoker

There is always that point in the night where it all simply gets a bit too much. Murder on the Dancefloor has been coursing through your veins and there’s only so many VKs one can handle before needing a bit of a break from a very serious boogie. I’ll be honest, before I came to Exeter, I rarely ventured into the mysterious realm of the club smoking area. That had to change. Most of Exeter Uni’s population is made up of chain smokers or vape addicts (not to forget the snus fans) – I mean, how else would an Exetah girly perfect their husky “rah”? It only comes from some dedicated throat and lung damage, of course.

Let’s be real: There is simply no better place than that of a club smoking area. It’s pure carnage. I get such a kick out of leaving the sweat-filled box of a club, to enter into a haziness of drama. To the left of you is a girl yelling at her rugby situationship she thought was “the one” and to the right there’s your bestie sharking a fresher – yikes, such a nightmare. There is truly something for everyone; you’re definitely going to be entertained. If you need a cry, an emotional support vape, or just a bit of gossip, the smoking area has it all, so why not rank them?

1. Timepiece

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The absolute GOD of club smoking areas, I present to you: TP. What I love best with this one is the amount of seating there is – it’s endless. Say “Goodbye” to the classic standing around of most club smoking areas, and say “Hello” to the best experience of your drunken life. It really has got it all – imagine being able to sit down whilst trying to keep down a tacky chun. It’s such a class experience. Oh, and there’s the opportunity to get some chips for after!

One of the only issues with this one is that the WHOLE of the outside area is a smoking area which means yes, you’ll see absolutely everyone you know. It has the potential to get a bit awks. I also find that after one too many Venoms, it turns into a messy fever dream of asking: “Where are you?” only to get the response of: “Benches”. Babes, I beg be more specific, I am very much lost.

2. Fever

To be honest, Fever is coming in hot at number two in the ranking. Whilst it certainly doesn’t have as much space as TP, it does have two smoking areas – one upstairs, and one out the front. It’s got perfect access whether you’re in room one with the DnB or room two with the cheesy tunes. You’ve gotta love how they cater for everyone’s needs. This could also be a bit rogue, but I find that anyone in the Fever smoking area is so nice. Yes, it’s probably because they’re a silly fresh hoping to make friends, but drunk me is down for that. Why not make some besties whilst I stand around waiting for my friends to finish their vape?

Fever smoking areas are always full of people and the vibes are immaculate. The only downside to this is it can get a bit sweaty – it’s not exactly the best look if you’re trying to pull with a classic: “Have you got a lighter?” No one is built for that after one too many shots. I don’t know, maybe it’s just me.

3. Unit 1

It’s not the best and it’s not the worst. Unit 1 definitely has a smaller smoking area than TP and Fever but hear me out, it’s not terrible. I mean, do I have any wild memories from this club smoking area? No, not at all. Do I have any bad memories either? Also no.

The one thing that puts this above Move in the rankings is that you’re bound to see something entertaining passing by. The smoking area is placed in the prime position near The Depot, as well as being near the main route for people getting a drunken kebab from Efes. Even though the smoking area itself isn’t popping off, the area around will be. So, Unit 1 makes it to third place, for having a very average smoking area, sorry, not sorry.

4. Move

I don’t really remember this smoking area at all. I haven’t been since ye olde fresher days, so my memory is a bit blurred. One thing I did love (okay, this kind of doesn’t count) was the cannons within a few metres of the smoking area. They always provided a bit of fun for a drunken photoshoot with the gals. Wow, that’s so random and quirky of me!

5. Vaults and Cavern

These two are neck and neck. I don’t have a picture in either smoking area for a reason. I’m sorry, but the vibes are lacking.

Related articles recommended by this writer:

• Here are five things that are bound to happen on an Exeter Uni night out
• Here’s exactly which pre drink Exeter uni halls would be, based on pure vibes
• Here are eight frustrating things only Exeter Uni students will understand