I have two wives: The seven types of college couples at Cambridge University

May has arrived and for many a first year (myself included) that means only one thing- it’s time to finally tie the knot! Here are the seven types of college couples you’ll find in Cambridge.

1. The Throuple

Whoever said a threesome will only end in tears? Personally I am praying it doesn’t (that’s right, I have not one, but two wives).

What do you do when you have two good friends and don’t want to leave one out? You marry both. Usually composed of a pair that were friends first and a third person who hung around them enough to be included.

2. The Actual Couple

This can go one of two ways- either it’s a friends-to-lovers story (yes, we all love the trope) or this will be the most insufferable couple you have ever met. They met each other and decided they didn’t need to make friends when they have love instead. Good luck…

3. The Actual Couple that Broke Up

This is the second type a few months down the line and now it’s awkward for everyone involved.

Image Credits: Connie Harrop

4. The Flatcest Couple

They spoke to one person in Fresher’s Week and haven’t branched out since.

5. The Incestuous Couple

Only in Cambridge can you hear the sentence “I’m going to marry my sister” and not be concerned. I have been caught out many a time by people omitting the word “college” and shamelessly admitting to being attracted to their siblings or parents.

Image Credits: Connie Harrop

Similarly to the flatcest couple, these two either met through their parents and decided that was it, or are carrying on a long tradition of incest. That’s right, generations of siblings marrying each other. Only in Cambridge.

6. The Last Resort

Maybe they thought college marriages are a stupid tradition, or maybe they just never bothered to find anyone and now everyone else is already engaged. But not wanting to be left out, they settled for whoever they could find that wasn’t getting married.

7. The Medics

Well they don’t speak to anyone who isn’t a medic, who else are they meant to marry?

Feature Image Credits: Eva Fishman Photography

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