The Love Island 2022 talent show ranked by how far they’d all get on Britain’s Got Talent

Ekin-Su’s performance was like an Oscar’s acceptance speech

2 years ago

Love Island 2022
UK

The Love Island talent show is one of the best episodes of every single series, and the 2022 performances were no exception. Fine, there’s not a lot of actual talent, but you can’t deny that the sheer talentless chaos of the whole thing is really fucking funny. Some of them would have had Simon Cowell shaking, crying and throwing up, bashing his red button left, right and centre at the Britain’s Got Talent auditions. But others are simply golden buzzer worthy and could have even gotten through to the final.

Now here’s every Love Island 2022 talent show performance, ranked from four ‘nos’ to golden buzzer worthy:

11. Jamie

Every year a Love Island boy does keepie uppies as his talent, and this year the baton unfortunately fell to Jamie. It’s the most boring talent of all time, I fear. Why did he make Danica stand in the goal?? Jamie would get four red buzzers within 30 seconds of his Britain’s Got Talent audition, end of.

10. Luca

I really rate Luca’s commitment to the bit. When he went high pitched to sing Vanessa Hudgens’ part it was absolute cinema. But ultimately, can he sing? No, absolutely not. Danica helping him with all the words, a la Regina George’s mum in Mean Girls, really made Luca’s Love Island talent show 2022 performance.

9. Dami

Dami’s rap was horrendous. Even Indiyah said she’d be a bad girlfriend if she said it was good. Props to him for writing his own lyrics and getting the Islander’s names in there, but the performance just didn’t live up to the fun his bucket hat promised. (Apart from “got me on my knees like Ekin on the terrace”, which was quite simply iconic.)

8. Andrew

It was unexpectedly funny, but sorry Andrew – reenacting Selling Sunset isn’t a talent. The model was decent but there’s no way he made it himself, the Love Island producers were working overtime on that. Jason Oppenheim is quaking in his boots.

7. Ekin-Su

Ekin-Su’s performance was like an Oscar’s acceptance speech, but she wouldn’t get far on Britain’s Got Talent because I’m not sure where the talent is in it. This girl absolutely knows what she’s doing, the undisputed queen of Love Island. Plus she’s a bloody good speaker – move over Rishi Sunak and Liz Truss, this is the real leader our country needs. Ekin-who!!!!

6. Tasha

If it was 10 years ago and Pitch Perfect had just come out, Tasha would be applauded for how quirky and talented she is by doing the cup song and probably made the Britain’s Got Talent final. But unfortunately for Tasha, the year is 2022 and even Anna Kendrick isn’t doing that any more. Tasha’s literally a professional dancer, even if she’d just done the worm it would have been better.

5. Danica

I couldn’t have done Danica’s dance performance, I’ll give her that. She’s a good dancer, fine. But honestly? Watching people dance so seriously is an ick, and it was a bit of a boring talent.

4. Paige and Gemma

Fun fact, Gemma Owen was three years old when My Humps was released. Whose idea was it for them to wear matching pink trousers with the buttons undone? I am simply dying to know. Anyway, Gemma lowkey ate up her verse and their matching choreography was a vibe. If PG performed at an SU club it would have everyone up on the tables dancing. Maybe not family friendly enough for BGT but they’d definitely make it past the auditions.

3. Indiyah

I genuinely cried laughing at Indiyah on the recorder. Simon Cowell would do a red buzzer but Amanda Holden would absolutely love her, and Indiyah would get through to the Britain’s Got Talent live shows purely for the joke, like Rylan on X Factor 2012. But the joke’s on them because her skills would make Indiyah become an instant mega celeb.

2. Adam

Okay but how is Adam Collard a lowkey actual magician?? Luca was absolutely enthralled, like a child watching Peppa Pig, and the screams of shock from the Islanders made the performance. Adam would get David Walliams’ golden buzzer and go straight through to the Britain’s Got Talent final.

1. Davide

Did someone order an Italian SNEECKKKK? Davide’s talent was basically being fit and Italian and you know what, I respect it. His chef’s hat and apron were a huge vibe. Get him in the This Morning kitchen right now!! The country is simply crying out for it.

Love Island 2022 continues on ITV2 at 9pm tonight. For all the latest Love Island news and gossip and for the best memes and quizzes, like The Holy Church of Love Island on Facebook.