How to help your best friend through a break-up

Anger, upset, denial, acceptance – whatever stage they’re at, it’s time to peel their sweaty face off the kitchen floor and get them back on the path of awesome. But first, you need a game plan. It’s fallen to you, as the golden chum, to deal with this vodka ridden mess. Start making that empowering playlist, pack the alcohol and emergency chocolate. “It will get better,” you say, feeling as though you’re talking to a brick wall. An absolute cliché of a line. Instead, hiit them with, “you can mourn the relationship, but don’t let it haunt you.” That one is an absolute gem. 

Allow them a release

Get yourself straight down to the off licence and buy a large bottle of their ‘finest’ vodka (Glenn’s will do). Check what events are on tonight, or any bars that are open until late. Getting them out the house will allow them to blow off some steam and will let them forget for a night, or two – maybe factor in a potential three nights. Remember, you will also have to deal with the self-loathing, grumpy melt the following day. You’re their official number one, it’s your duty to inject the fun back into their lives. After all, you’ve got you’re single friend back. Hurray. Tequila.

Talk it out

Ok, you will also need alcohol for this step as well, and probably some form of fattening food. Supermarket own brands does the trick, just bathe it in caramel sauce. Realise you’ve committed now and need to see your buddy through this. You’re in it for the long haul and they are going to want to talk it out. Give them constructive criticism rather than “there there.” Empty sentiments are not what they want to hear and rinsing the same line “time is the greatest healer” will run dry after the third use. You’re not a spiritual guidance counselor.

But in the same sense, let them self loathe a little. Let them slag their ex off a little, it’s all part of the process. “They’re an idiot, aren’t they?” – Just agree. Your chum is probably feeling vulnerable, depending on who broke up with who. So allow them their turbulent thought process of “it was me,” followed by “it was all them” and so forth.

Take away their phone and remove the pictures of ‘them’ 

Take their phone off them for a day or two. Don’t let them doing anything stupid such as, messaging them incoherent texts, posting subliminal statuses or pictures, texting a rebound. They need to settle and absorb the shock of what has happened. Don’t let them obsess over whether their ex has messaged or not, it’s not healthy. Sometimes no message is a message.

However, agree on some ground that they may still need to text their mum to let her know they’re not dead.

Change the picture of their lock screen to your chins. It just allows them to smile at something each time they come to use their phone. Plus, your chins are the thing they love really. Finding any opportunity for light hearted banter to aid the recovery process will be appreciated.

Talk it out some more

Usually after a week, there might still be underlying thoughts and regrets that are running through their minds. Ask them how they are feeling after the first week has gone by, to check in and to make sure they’re still breathing.

Inviting them out for a coffee, in a happy, familiar place will start to add normalicy and routine back into their daily lives if they are still struggling.

Sometimes half the length of the relationship can be how long it takes for the person to get over their previous boo. Let them know that they need to focus on themselves now, prioritise their needs.

Make sure they shower and eat

A shock to the routine can often cause a loss of appetite, and the last thing they may be thinking about is eating properly. Cook them something, or take them out for a meal. It’ll be fun, distract them from the situation and give you peace of mind that they aren’t starving to death.

Forgetting to shower or finding them in a crumpled heap under their unwashed clothes, is a rom-com movie cliché, but still relevant. A lack of motivation and the thought of no longer having anyone to impress, equals ‘what’s the point of changing my pants’ syndrome.

So for their sake as well as your own, make sure they get hosed down at some point.

Treat yo’ pal

Rather than simply taking them to the bar or buying the final round, take them out to get their nails done or a joint spray tan. You could buy them a little gift to lift their spirits, something to make them feel good and body confident about themselves. It’s the little things that count and the thought behind it which will land you major friend points.

Chain watch some TV (ban anything romantic)

Have a sit down, girlie night. Lock the doors and bring out the snacks. It’s time for a binge watch. Let them stream their favourite TV show Netflix style, make fun of the actors and yell at the clichés. Who cares if you stay up until 4am?

Important note: there are to be no romantic, rom-com suggestions. The ‘Romeo and Juliet’ with Leonardo Dicaprio can stay under ‘Moulin Rouge.’ Solid no.

Don’t let them throw eggs at the other person’s window

Tying in with making sure they don’t message anything stupid. Making sure they physically don’t do anything that isn’t ‘Vogue’, is a must. Buying a pack of six eggs to go and stake out their house with for ammo ‘just in-case,’ is also something to strongly avoid. No, it won’t be banter. OK, maybe a little bit of banter.

Something your friend will always thank you for, is making sure they kept their dignity and dealt with the situation in a classy way. This step is a team effort, but it is your duty as friend to make sure they don’t end up in the gutter with their pants on show after the ‘screw it’ night out.

Wing-man them like a boss

After getting them through the worst of it, consider yourself an awesome friend. Golden. High five yourself. It’s now time to get them back into the field. Get them playing the game again. It’s your job as wing-man to do this.

Get your best togs on, grab the dutch courage and hit the town! Bringing ‘them’ up is banned, and if their is a ‘sighting,’ happiness if the ultimate weapon. This is debuting your pal to the world again. Feeling like a proud parent, release them into the wild!