Ten silly fresh situations you’ll undoubtedly experience in your first year…

Oh, first year… I both yearn for you and loathe you, cringing at the memories from afar. My “Silly Fresh” days are far behind me, yet the second-hand embarrassment never really fades. While everyone’s “Silly Fresh” days are a little different, certain experiences are practically universal. This isn’t a guide to dodging them — because, honestly, you can’t — but a list to help you survive them.

1. Sleeping with the enemy (AKA your flatmate)… 

I know we all yearn for our own Heated Rivalry moment, but do you really want yours to happen in a club? Because, honestly, if you hook up with a flatmate or college mate, you risk becoming the main character at every college event or SNK. One silly night can turn an acquaintance into someone you see every day.

The awkward morning after is only the beginning. Soon, you’re starring in your own personal It Follows, doomed to encounter this person everywhere you go. Does it get better? Maybe. But even in your final year, you might still run into them. And honestly, the trauma might haunt you long after graduation. Trust me, Durham is not that big.

2. Serving look? More like serving fresher identification… 

Nothing marks you as a Fresher quite like wearing your college lanyard with every single outfit. And listen, I get it — you’re excited, you’ve finally made it to uni, and you should be proud. It’s a huge achievement. But honestly, the lanyard isn’t giving what you think it’s giving.

As term goes on, you’ll realise it doesn’t need to be glued to your neck 24/7. It’s okay to put it in your pocket. Before long, you’ll have swapped it for the skinniest scarf you’ve ever owned and, of course, a college puffer jacket. You’ll be absolutely fine, so please, put that lanyard away.

3. 9am after the night before…

Honestly, this never changes. As someone who has just survived her first 9am seminar after a night out (despite swearing she wasn’t going to go out), only to somehow end up in Klute, I can confirm that the struggle is real.

There’s nothing quite like experiencing this for the first time. Suddenly, it’s 8:30 am, your alarm has been going off for half an hour, and the last thing you remember is collapsing into bed after a Wednesday Night Babs. Beside you sits a destroyed Urban Oven pizza box, surrounded by the clothes you wore out, now mysteriously filthy.

You have thirty minutes, a hangover, an overwhelming amount of regret, and absolutely no prep work done. And every Thursday, you’ll swear you’ll never do this again — until next Wednesday, when you’re somehow painted blue and Wednesday Night Babs is calling your name all over again.

4. 14 days in and somehow in need of an academic comeback… 

Durham has a beautiful way of taking you from “I am so locked in” to “how far behind is too far behind?” in the blink of an eye. One minute it’s Freshers’ Week and you’re trying to maintain friendships, squeeze in some self-care, and convince yourself you’ve got your life together. Then, somehow, there’s no time for anything. Suddenly, your six contact hours come with approximately fifteen hours of prep work, and you’re left wondering how on earth you’re supposed to fit it all in.

5. Crying in the club? No, crying in the Billy B 

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Just when you think you’re finally getting things under control, a Blackboard notification arrives, and it’s all over. It’s week five, and you’re still trying to catch up on lecture notes from week three. You’re spending more time in the Billy B or your college library than in your own room, and suddenly you feel like you know absolutely nothing. You start questioning everything and panicking about how you’re ever going to catch up.

Cue the emergency phone call to your mum in the Billy B toilets, while she reassures you that everything will be okay, even though you can barely breathe. You promise yourself you won’t let this happen again — but trust me, you will. And Mum, I’m really sorry for that.

6. Hear ye, hear ye: Fresher’s Flu has arrived…

All of a sudden, it feels like you’ve woken up in the 14th century and the Plague has arrived. And unlike the Plague, this won’t be over anytime soon. It’ll linger, linger, and linger. Your throat hurts, your nose is running but somehow also blocked at the same time, and the moment you have to walk up even the slightest hill, you’ve decided this is almost certainly the end.

However, no matter how terrible you feel, you’re still not going to say no to a night out. So now you’re surviving on four hours of sleep a night, questionable meals, and far too many crowded events, all while wondering why on earth you’re not getting better.

7. From soulmates to sworn enemies…

I fear the Fresher’s Week friend group is a thing that will haunt you for the rest of your time at university and beyond. And one of the most confusing and painful parts is when you go from spending hours with someone every day — sharing meals, chatting in each other’s rooms and exploring Durham together for the first time — to barely knowing what to say to them.

Suddenly, every meal feels less like a cosy catch-up and more like the Hunger Games, as you desperately try to survive the awkward silences. It goes from “We’re all adults, right?” to believing that only one of you is going to make it out of this alive, and the odds are not in your favour.

8. I love Durham, but I miss my mum…

9. Academically humiliated until further notice…

Seminars, seminars, oh, seminars. The fear you have given me. However, I also really enjoy them because they’re one of the few times you actually get to discuss your degree with your lecturers. The problem is that they always feel like you’re one mistake away from dropping out. Everything is somehow more embarrassing in a seminar, and whatever silly thing you say will inevitably haunt you for the rest of your academic life.

I still feel sick when I think about the time I was quite literally locked out of the building.