A third year’s guide to all the red flags of dating men at the Uni of York

I would first like to dedicate this article to all the situationship survivors, heartbroken girlies, or anyone that has had the misfortune of encountering a man that has displayed some of the red flags listed below. If you have yet to experience such an interaction, then my thoughts and prayers are with you, and I hope that this article will eventually provide you with comfort or at least a giggle.

Lastly, to the boys that may or may not choose to read this article, apologies in advance. However, in my defence, I wouldn’t have to write it if you didn’t make the same classic errors in dating such a relatable experience. Alexa play Taylor Swift All Too Well 10 minute version please.

It feels fitting that I write this in October because the winter canon events are no joke. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard and witnessed the aftermath of a breakup in the smoking area of practically any club in York. Why are October and November so cursed for relationships?

1. Guys that aren’t ready for a relationship

It never gets old. Someone please explain to me why these men are actively dating and then suddenly have an epiphany one random evening that decides in actual fact, they are still not ready for a relationship. Not ready for a relationship at 21 years of age? I can’t believe that there are parents out there who settled down at 22 with a mortgage and two kids, and here we are facing up to York men still wanting lads night every weekday.

2. Fresh out of a five year relationship

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Do I really have to explain this one? I promise you that he is not over it and he will in fact destroy your life.

3. ‘I just don’t have the time’

I’m sorry but are the three contact hours a week really too much to handle alongside a girlfriend? I think the science degrees nine to five lab hours can maybe be excused from this, but overall it’s highly unlikely. Anyone can make time for you ladies.

4. Commitment-phobes

Unfortunately, they do exist. Namely in the form of Uni of York rugby boys. I think it’s because they’re too dedicated to the sport than any relationship. I guess it’s nice to have a hobby! All jokes aside, we can all agree that the three month rule is a fair enough approach to all relationships. If there hasn’t been an inclination to some level of commitment by then then I’m afraid to say that he is a commitment phobe. In the words of Brooke Schofield on TikTok: “Honestly you guys do him a service, he needs money, for therapy.”

5. ‘You deserve better’

Plot twist! You probably do. It might take you a while to realise it but if you’ve heard these words, I promise you that it’s more than likely to be true.

6. ‘My ex-girlfriend was a psycho’

I hear this line far too often. First of all, are you sure that you’re actually over her? What part of the story are you conveniently missing out? Also, define psycho because honestly if she’s thrown a drink over you in public or signed you up to join the local church, we honestly could be besties. Despite this, I’ve actually heard some wild stories about exes so on the rare occasion I would say that he might not be exaggerating and probably has a reason for such a statement.

In all seriousness, it’s easy to ignore red flags, especially if that’s your usual type (which to be honest wouldn’t surprise me here at York). Hopefully now you know that these excuses are universal to the boys at York, you can start spotting them and avoiding them. To the boys that find themselves reading this and thinking “oh I’ve definitely said this to a girl before”, please start getting more creative with your excuses otherwise we will start naming and shaming across campus…