Notts Talk to Tabitha volume three: How to deal with conflict at university

Hello Tab readers! We’re back with yet another article (you lucky things) and this time we’re discussing all things conflict. It’s an unfortunate but necessary part of life, and learning how to navigate it healthily is an important lesson in maturity and compassion. That being said, do as I say and not as I do.

Thank you to everyone who wrote in! Here we go, with not one, but two submissions.

‘Can the person who drove the black Ford Fiesta into the red Mini on Balfour Road own up pretty please?’ – Frustrated Motorist

Hello, FM!

Ah yes, an absolute classic to kick us off. You’ve brought your car up to uni for the first time, realising too late just how dangerously narrow the roads of Lenton are. You park up, not thinking any more of the matter, until some unfortunate soul scratches your motor. Bummer!

I understand that the first reaction to this unfortunate event is rage. Cars are expensive, and the cost of cosmetic work is the last thing you want to worry about when you’re trying to stick to a tight student budget.

In a situation like this, I’d preach patience and understanding (hint: These two themes will come up a lot in this article).  I think it’s safe to say that the bump was unintentional, so if you do find out who this mystery driver was, try not to get too irate (I know it’s hard!). If you start yelling at them, chances are that they’ll get defensive and start yelling back at you. This achieves nothing, and might even prevent them from being cooperative with you.

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Talk to them in a calm but firm tone. They ultimately made the mistake, yes, but be the bigger person and you’ll likely find reaching a solution will be much easier.

Also, if you have doorbell footage or any video footage of the incident, you should send it to your insurance so they can deal with the claim. This will aid in avoiding any confrontation.

Drive safe!

Tabitha xx

P.S. If your red Mini is the one now parked in the bus lane up Derby Road (spotted on Thursday evening), I’d probably move it as loads more cars go down Derby than Balfour, so you’re far more likely to be hit again!

‘My housemate keeps using my stuff and they’re so nice so I don’t know how to approach them about it. It’s really jarring’ – Barry

Hi there, Barry!

Another common feature of student life, I’m afraid. Learning how to have these conversations with your housemates is key to living in a harmonious house. I implore you, Barry, to consider the following in your approach to confronting them.

If it’s an item you’re happy to share, then say that to this person, but add that you’d appreciate if they bought the next lot of whatever this item may be. Having communal items (I’m thinking milk, rice, pasta, bread – real staple items) can save costs for a house. Create a rota to ensure everyone who uses these items pulls their weight in supplying them, and voila! An ideal solution.

If it’s an item you’re unwilling to share, then take a similar approach to that outlined in the previous section of this article. Be calm but firm. Tell them why you don’t want to share this item without antagonising them. If they’re a nice person, they should understand where you’re coming from and change their ways.

If matters persist even after you’ve said no, then feel free to be firmer in your approach. You are, of course, entitled to have your own things, and if your housemate can’t respect that, then they’re breaching a boundary you’ve set. The urge is hard to resist, but try to avoid being petty. It just makes things worse for everyone involved.

I hope these tips help you, and I wish you the best of luck.

Tabitha xx

All advice dispensed is to be taken at reader’s discretion. If you have something you are struggling with, please speak to a doctor or a professional. If you are experiencing mental health concerns please speak to someone, or call or text Samaritans on 116 123 at any time. 

Related articles recommended by this author:

• Notts Talk to Tabitha volume two: impressing your home mates on their first visit
• Essential ways to make the most of autumn as a student in Nottingham
• Top six cafés to study in as a student in Nottingham