Words of wisdom for the Manchester student, as told through nightclub toilet graffiti

Whether crouching over the bowl as a friend holds your hair back, or sat penning a drunken email to your favourite lecturer: There is always a lesson for one to learn whilst in the toilet of a nightclub.

You will learn that Sambuca is not for you. You will learn that you’ve signed off an important email Sent From My iPhone, followed by two sloppy kisses. You will learn that it’s worth uninstalling Instagram before you head out. These are lessons learnt only the hard way, through plenty of first hand experience and hastily deleted Stories.

Other lessons are bestowed upon us, scribbled on cubicle walls in Sharpie and Pillowtalk lipstick. There are a sacred few who have made the permanent marker a permanent feature in their going out bags – amongst the loose tobacco and old tabs of chewing gum sits a black Sharpie. You’ll find their work all around the city’s student bars and clubs. Amongst a plentiful sea of arrow hearts, lover’s initials and illustrations of the male genitalia, the walls of a club bathroom contain proverbs one can only describe as poetic. Club goers report leaving the loo enlightened after observing the philosophical wonderings inscribed.

Taking a look at ancient graffiti shows how as a species we’re yet to shed our innate desire to leave our mark on the world around us. “Gaius was here” was recorded in Pompeii, 78 BC, but would not be out of place found in the cubicles of Big Hands, followed by his Instagram handle (@gaius2trappy) and a quick sketch of a cock and balls.

Here are my top picks that have been left by the inebriated wordsmiths dotted around Manchester’s student hotspots. Read closely, I ask of you – there’s lots to be learnt.

She’s just not worth it

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She’s not – an anonymous poet is here to help you, and it seems you need it in your state. Sober up!

Social commentary

Controversial. I say send that text right now – ask your Dad why his dream dinner party guest is Ronald Reagan again.

Motivation

You really do. Leave the loo with a well needed confidence boost – get back out there player.

You look gorgeous SSSSH x

Papyrus to parchment, paper to ANYDRY hand dryer. Declarations of love and admiration can be left on any surface. And it’s true, you look so gorgeous.

TGIF

A celebration of the approaching weekend or an existential comment observing the fleeting nature of life itself? We can’t know.

Love

Do we think this encouraged a few vodka cranberry infused epiphanies?

Romantic? Intimidating?

Reminiscent of a horror film – would freak me out two glasses of wine deep.

Other stories recommended by this writer:

• Freshers’ Week in Manchester: Reflections from a first and second year

• Eating my way around Manchester: New finds in Fallowfield, Withington and Didsbury

• I guessed the star sign of every Manchester based bus service for no real reason