A definitive ranking of the best club smoking areas in Leamington

As Warwick students, the options for nights out are limited. Our campus has been blessed with “middle of nowhere” syndrome, so we resort to the nearest town/city for our nightlife. Leamington Spa is one of those towns, with its population being nearly all Warwick students.

So here it is, a ranking of the best club smoking areas in Leamington, because it’s common knowledge that it’s the most important aspect of a club.

5. MOO

Moo opened in 2019, though as a third year student I was unaware of its existence until halfway through second year. The club itself is relatively small, and I’ve heard some mixed reviews about it. However, there is one thing that is undebatable: It has the worst smoking area in Leamington (and possibly the world).

The smoking area of this club is none other than the street. Yes, the street outside the club. Everyone is regrouped on the other side of the road, and the rules for smoking are strict. If you get caught with a drink (you paid for) outside of the club, get ready to be told off. It’s a blast!

4. Kelseys

Until very recently, I firmly believed that Kelseys didn’t have a smoking area, which I think says a lot about it. No, it’s not the outside area of the club (if we can even call it that), it’s a small box space with a bench and a table neatly tucked away behind the back entrance. Dark, sombre, and overall just dead. I won’t divulge my opinions on Kelseys as a whole, but the smoking area will make you spiral and question whether your night out was worth it. The hangover definitely won’t be.

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3. Neon

Neon is one of the most famous, if not the most famous club in Leamington. The sheer size of it is too much for small town folk to comprehend, directly contributing to its highly regarded reputation. Much loved by Warwick students, and particularly freshers, Neon appeals to a wide range of personalities due to its diverse music.

However, despite its overall success, Neon’s smoking area does not live up to the standards of the club. The smoking area, if we can even call it that, is a dark alleyway resembling the setting of a marvel comic crime scene. You would expect Spider-Man to jump out at any given moment to save you from the suffocating situation. Smoking in the dark, stuck to people like sardines, there’s nothing more enjoyable right? Especially since most people are escaping the oven that is Neon after accommodating three times its population capacity.

2. Smack

Smack is the OG Leamington club. I think we’ve all heard the Stormzy anecdote at least a couple times. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, get to know. The Smack smoking area is only second in this ranking because the other clubs aren’t exactly competition. Even at number two, the Smack smoking area is nothing short of depressing. Dark, scary, small and claustrophobic. But it does the job, I guess.

1. Altoria

You can say what you want about Altoria and the questionable events held there, but it definitely has the best club smoking area in the whole of Leamington. Rooftop area, tables and spacious seating, there’s even a bar at the top, if you’re in need of an extra kick. Altoria hosts some of the more intense nights out in Leamington, so this smoking area is more than necessary.

The only downside is that since the spot is so lush, half of the club is regrouped in that space instead of enjoying the music being blasted downstairs. I can’t blame them though, as I directly contribute to that problem.

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