Things boys should not do by text, by disappointed girls

Straight girls are forced to deal with texting-based ineptitude from boyfriends and guys-who-aren’t-their-guy-but-are-their-guys alike. Don’t try and deny it – we’ve seen the screenshots.

There seem to be some recurring issues that are making us want to block your numbers. So to help you, we asked around to gather some of the most common faux pas that boys are making by text. Here’s what the girls had to say:

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Leaving us on read mid-conversation

Call me dramatic, but there’s literally nothing more enraging on this earth than seeing those two blue ticks with no response to accompany them. It’s enough to make me curse your name and hurl my phone gently onto a safe part of the sofa.

Only being bothered to read half of a message

If ? I’ve ? asked ? you ? two ? questions ? don’t ? just ? answer ? one ? and ? ignore ? the ? other.

Can’t say it enough, one more time for the textually-challenged males in the back – ANSWER BOTH OF MY QUESTIONS.

Killing a conversation by giving one-word answers

Saying “lol” or “yeh” is not good conversation. You don’t look mysterious and enigmatic. You look boring and rude.

If you’re trying to chirpse a girl, then at least make an effort to chuck some decent chat her way.

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Using a single emoji and thinking it’s an acceptable response

Emojis have their place when you’re casually messaging your mates, but SO HELP ME GOD if a guy replies with just an emoji.

It’s literally an invite for me to leave you on read – there is no way you’re getting a text back if you don’t have the decency to reply with actual words.

Constantly pelting us with endless messages

If a girl hasn’t replied to your four previous texts, it’s likely that sending her ten question marks and a “lol ok then” won’t do the trick either.

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Not asking any questions whatsoever

Answering my questions without asking any in return is just bad manners. It’s a sure-fire way to make a girl think you’re only interested in yourself, not in her.

Not bothering to read any of a message

If I’ve typed a perfectly coherent message and you hit me with a “Huh?” or a single question mark, you’re getting slapped, no two ways about it.

Sorry pal, I’ll just entirely rephrase my totally clear message because you can’t be bothered to read it, shall I? Just take precious time out of my very hectic schedule to write the whole thing out again using synonyms, yeah? Just read it. Again.

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Saying “We should hang out some time”

Come on, we’re better than this. It’s 2018. If you can’t pluck up the courage to admit you’re after a Netflix and chill session then maybe your mum shouldn’t allow you to have a phone at all. Pathetic.

Texting first and then apparently throwing your phone around the entire circumference of the Earth

I mean why even text in the first place. You were obviously thinking about me (hence the literal evidence) so don’t bother trying to look cool at this exact second.

If you want to chat, let’s chat – nobody has time for silly games at this big age.

Acting like you’re “too busy” to reply

Taking two days to respond to a simple message, and saying you’ve “been busy” is plain rude.

Sending a text takes about five seconds. Your Sociology degree with a side of promoting doesn’t keep you that busy, Harvey, and weirdly, blanking me doesn’t make me want to rip your clothes off.

Acting like you’re “too busy” to reply, but being active all over social media

I’ve noticed the little green circle next to your name on Facebook Messenger all day. I’ve also seen you tagging your stupid mates in unfunny memes all over the place. I see you and I know your game.

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Texting “Wyd”

LAZY.

Texting “Wyd” but at 4:09 am

Wasn’t born yesterday and can literally smell your Jägerbomb breath through your sloppy texts so I will catch you on the flippidy-flop my guy.

Minus points if followed up the next day with “lol” or any excuses about a big one with the boys.

“Hey x”

This is creepy, babyish, annoying, presumptuous and gross, all neatly contained in just four letters.

If the beginning of a conversation is this terrible, I dread to think what the rest of it will be like.

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