Rename it all the times you want, Mishiko will always be our JJs

Every town has one. It’s a club that you should grow out of but everyone always comes crawling back to. Once you’re home from uni it doesn’t take long for the boredom to come seeping in. You bite the bullet and guiltily post in the home group chat “anyone wanna go JJs on Thursday?”

Although hesitant at first, it’s not long before you’re pre-drinking on the train from Dorking Deepdene to Reigate, reevaluating your life choices.

Name change? What name change?

The unlawful name change to “Mishiko” doesn’t sit quite right with any JJ Whispers veteran. The name JJs will be forever engraved in our hearts, and no amount of remodelling or re-openings can change that. The thought of anyone calling it otherwise sends shivers down my spine.

Stripped down in her prime

The cloakroom

JJs bizarre fear of jackets or coats means that absolutely no outerwear is allowed past the makeshift cloakroom and into the club. If you want to take your jacket out of the cloakroom and into the heater-free smoking area you can, but if you want to get back into the club you’ll have to join the back of the queue. Seems reasonable.

Also the air conditioning inside is on full pelt. Prepare to get nippy.

The youths

You already know you’re too old to be here, and this is reinforced by the fact that amongst your fellow club-goers include such party animals as your mate’s younger sister. Last time you saw her she was in year eight, but her knee length skirt days are behind her as she drunkenly wobbles around in her stilettos and poorly drawn eyebrows.

Who’s this joker?

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The crowd

Remember those people in your year at school you tried desperately to forget? Well they’re here too, and they haven’t changed. So not only are you dancing amongst people that haven’t even finished their A-levels, you’re now dodging practically the whole of The Ashcombe School. The £2 drinks will help ease the secondary school flashbacks and aid all the fake smiling you’ll have to do when cornered in the girls loo by that one from your science class who is like “oh my god, so pleased to see everyone again!”

You know you’ll be hearing the same songs from last week…and the month before that.

At least they’re consistent. If you recognise the playlist it’s because they have the same one every week, but no one likes change do they? JJs fun-sized cupboard dance floor also proves that size really doesn’t matter. At least you’ll never lose your mates.

Assemble your squad

The smoke machine

Try not to choke to death.

The smoking area

The smallest smoking area in Surrey, that can comfortably fit ten people in. A sectioned off bit at the front of the club on the pavement hardly adds to their aesthetic when you’re all shoulder to shoulder and narrowly avoiding burning each other.

So if you’re going to party, party right at JJ Whispers, and death glare anyone who calls it otherwise. How’d you pronounce Mishiko anyway?