Your slow and long descent into Oxford revision hell

Convince yourself you’re doing something useful

The Bod looks so old and knowledgeable…surely just being there counts as revision? You’e not feeling like it’s a past paper kind of day day so three hours of resolute documentary watching (if a picture tells a thousand words what about a MOVING picture?!) followed by educational games is what you’re going to settle for today.

Binge boredom

Revision has just hit a new level of boring. You’re not even hungry but you need to eat something. You must eat. Before you know it, you’ve eaten through four muffins, two bags of crisps, a jar of Nutella, half a pack of digestives. Oh and a pack of strawberries, because you do need a bit of healthy for that daunting workload ahead.

Self sympathy level 1000%

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Revision looks so much nicer with an Instagram filter. Carefully arrange your books and include your coffee mug in there too if you can. Convince the world to feel as sorry for you as you do for yourself.

Point of insanity

You tell your friends you need a break from revision tonight but what you actually need is a break from work for the rest of your life. Being cooped up inside all day every day is slowly driving you a little bit mad, and you’re torn between insane laughter and the overpowering desire to cry. You’ve started emergency planning in case you fail your exams. So far the best option seems to be a one way ticket to Australia.

F%$£ THIS S*%$

You have a piece of coursework to complete for tomorrow and two essays due in for the end of the week. You can’t even see to the bottom of the reading list it’s that long. You’re so stressed you tell yourself that you won’t go to bed for three days until everything is done. But every word you write feels like child birth, so you do the only thing that you can do in such a situation. You snuggle up in bed with Bae (ahem, a bottle of gin) and watch the latest episode of Khaleesi and her dragons, aka Game of Thrones. The work will sort itself out tomorrow.