The hardcore British porn you like is probably illegal now

Spanking, fisting and water sports have been banned under new censoring acts – meaning the porn you just watched will make you feel even more sordid. 

The British Board of Film Censors outlawed a list of sexual acts, apparently taking aim at female pleasure – particularly female ejaculation.

The board said facesitting and fisting were all potentially “life-endangering” and British porn companies are banned from producing videos of them.

The following “niches” were banned:

• Spanking
• Caning
• Aggressive whipping
• Penetration by any object associated with violence
• Physical or verbal abuse
• Urolagnia (known as “water sports”)
• Female ejaculation
• Strangulation
• Facesitting
• Fisting

Jade Buxton, a pornstar at Manchester Metropolitan University, said the new rules were ridiculous.

She fumed: “It’s ridiculous, completely stupid.

“Banning pissing I can live with but Squirting?  Why are guys allowed to cum but females aren’t?

“It’s not something that I can stop myself from doing it.

“A girl has to have on arm free, and not wear a gag so it doesn’t look like it’s forced.

“I’ve got a shoot tomorrow that will be illegal, but I don’t think it will effect me directly. They’ll just produce it elsewhere.

“It’s not solving the situation anyway because you can still view that type of porn.”

The restrictions apply to view on demand porn – porn that you still pay for (who even are you) – made in the UK.

British porn producers now won’t be able to make adult material that cannot be sold in shops. Furious tuggers will still be able to view the banned porn on free websites like Porn Hub and Red Tube.

While the curbs aim to stop children viewing violent porn that encourages rape, critics say the measures outlaw completely acceptable porn habits.

Jerry Barnett, founder of anti-censorship campaign Sex and Censorship, told Vice UK: “It’s a set of weird and arbitrary censorship rules.

“There appear to be no rational explanations for most of the rules – they’re simply a set of moral judgements designed by people who have struggled endlessly to stop the British people from watching pornography.”