I was raised Catholic but now I’m an agnostic feminist

I was raised Catholic. Here’s me, at seven years old, dressed for my first communion. The framed piece sits proudly displayed on my mother’s piano. Looking at the grimace and the twisted fingers, it’s no wonder where I ended up today.

I’m agnostic. I have my own beliefs based on my own individual view of the world and how life, death, and spirituality work. And honestly, because I now have an insider’s and outsider’s view of the Catholic faith, I think I understand the religion better than when I ever practiced it.

But, this is not about Catholicism, at least not entirely, but I think Christianity connects to many aspects of women’s lives today.

Women of all shapes and sizes have to deal with the conflicting desires to be confident in their own skin, and to be left alone by people who may construe what women wear as an invitation for harsh judgment or unwanted advances.

Now, as with literally any other issue, all women are individuals. Some women feel confident and beautiful when conservatively dressed, and others love their bodies by showing a little more skin.

My friend Sloan and I, both know how to dress professionally when the time calls for it, but when we go out with friends, she loves crop tops and bright lips. But, my friend Kaela, who always looks great, dresses a little more conservatively. Religion may or may not be involved in how someone chooses to cover their body- but many strictly religious people believe it always should.

Some people (not just Christians) worry about dressing modestly because they think that wearing a short skirt or a tank top means a woman is “easy,” or invites sexual assault.

This sort of thinking sexualizes the female body to point where women can’t breastfeed in public, and victims of sexual assault get asked “What were you wearing?” rather than “Are you okay?”

If you’re worried about sexual activity, teach your kids about safe sex. If you’re worried about rape, teach not to rape, rather than to shame.

Then there’s social media shaming.

Shay Carl is a very popular YouTuber who does daily vlogs with his large family. They’re a genuinely sweet bunch of people, who happen to be Mormon.

One day, he tweeted this:

It made me sad and conflicted. On one hand, Shay is saying that the female body is sacred- which sounds like the female body should be respected. On the other hand, what he’s also saying is that a woman’s body is only important and valued in terms of how a man views it.

Unfortunately, I see this male-centric view as a pretty common thread in a lot of Christian communities.

Happily for all of us, iconic Youtuber Tyler Oakley responded with this:

For answers about Christianity, we often turn to the Bible. Subsequently, people often try to use verses from the Bible as excuses for what ever they want to do, including telling women off for their clothing choices. But the book was written so long ago that most of the time, its context doesn’t fit modern Christian society.

For example, the Bible does indeed say that women should dress modestly- it also says that they shouldn’t cut or braid their hair, and that their heads should be covered at all times. So why do we criticize Muslim women for doing just that?

Christianity is not only supposed to be about loving others, but loving yourself. If you believe that your God is a part of you and everything you do, there should be some self-love involved there. In this religion, everyone was created by the same God, and all people are supposed to be equal in his/her eyes.

It can be easy to love yourself and hate others, and vice versa. A lot of people who tear down women for not dressing in way that is traditionally considered “modest,” don’t realize that these women are trying to love themselves, so that they can love others as well. They don’t need to conform to one group’s outdated standards to be smart, generous, and strong.