How did our tween selves not even realize that John Mayer was the fuckboy of our generation?

It’s recently hit me like a card declined fee that John Mayer was our very first fuckboy.

But John is a rare breed of fuckboy, a breed so beloved by millions of people despite the fact that we all know how shitty he is to the girls he dates — or not dates as the case may probably be. We love him anyway. In fact, we may love him more for it.

Since early 2000s, he’s been playing with our hearts and fucking over some of our favorite female celebs, and recently has been keeping his head above the waters of irrelevancy by releasing four songs a month from his new album.

We cried to “Slow Dancing in a Burning Room,” we repeat-played his “Where the Light Is” tour album on Spotify, and we played guessing games of who his drool-worthy love songs are about.

If he would be at all worried about public perception (which he isn’t because he’s a true fuckboy), here is hard evidence that literally no one cares:

Feminists everywhere are at war with themselves. Do we hate u do we love u what do we do w/u John???

It all began back in 2002 when he started dating Jennifer Love Hewitt, who was reportedly the muse behind his first smash hit (smash as in literally people fuck to it), “Your Body is a Wonderland.”

He went on to date Vanessa Carlton, Rhona Mitra and Jessica Simpson, who he called “sexual napalm” in an interview with Playboy and famously gave us all PTSD from this statement:

“Yeah, that girl is like crack cocaine to me…Sexually it was crazy. That’s all I’ll say. It was like napalm, sexual napalm. Did you ever say, ‘I want to quit my life and just fucking snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to fuck you, I would start selling all my shit just to keep fucking you.’”

If that isn’t a typical fuckboy, we don’t know what is.

From there he reportedly dated Cameron Diaz, jumped over to Minka Kelly, then Jennifer Aniston, reality star Scheana Marie (who gave a full interview on their relationship despite his refusal to confirm they were a thing), and then of course onto Taylor Swift and Katy Perry.

His relationship with Taylor Swift may be the biggest indicator of his fuckboy attitude, since they reportedly wrote songs about each other (Swift’s “Dear John” and his “Paper Doll” are assumed to be about each other and he mentioned in a Rolling Stone interview that her writing the song was a “lousy thing to do“) and because he low-key shit on her birthday in a tweet that he deleted soon after:

Yikes.

There are times when he gets out his guitar and serenades the garbage off his own tarnished reputation, and almost makes us forget how savage he really is:

But then he puts his guitar down and brings us back down to Earth REAL quick:

Oh John, you kill us with how quickly and unaffectedly you drop hopeful girls. We can only watch dreamily from afar and thank baby J that it’s not us getting read receipts with no responses.

We’re not saying we’re first in line to date him, but we will always love our main fuckboy.