It’s time we stopped telling young women to ‘act like a lady’

I cringe when I hear the phrase “act like a lady,” especially when it is directed towards myself.

It is not that I don’t consider myself to be a lady, but that I believe some people have a very different definition of what being a lady means.

I am polite, friendly, I dress appropriately, I try not to make a fool of myself, I always say please and thank you – but I certainly always have fun and do not take shit.

What even is a ‘lady?’ Who do they want me to act like? The simple-minded housewife that lives to find a husband and please him all her life? Someone who takes orders, listens when she is told, and looks the other way when she is mistreated?

Or do they mean Queen Elanor of Aquitaine, the wife of England’s Henry II. Eleanor was labeled as ‘bad’ – ambitious, strong-willed, independent, calculating, commanding, and seductive.

To all of the adults out there: just because you did not grow up in a world in which women spoke out for themselves, or even could, does not mean that I, or any other girl in my generation are incorrect for doing so.

The young women of my generation live in the world with more freedom. I am allowed to say and do what I want, so why not take advantage of the right that women before us have fought for?

As my favorite feminine memoir author, Sarah Ban Breathnach, puts it, “We fear the consequences of bad girl behavior.

“Speaking up for ourselves, putting our preferences first, saying no, and going after what makes us happy, whether it’s moving to a strange city seeing or a man our friends don’t like.”

We are often condemned for the actions we choose to take for ourselves that don’t come into accord with the norms of others. This doesn’t mean we are wrong, this means we know what we want.

Any good babe does not purposely act out or make a fool of herself, even though it does happen to us all at one point or another, but she certainly does not shut her mouth when she is told, or stop dancing because she looks like an idiot.

I take pride in my social abilities and manners, but I also take pride in my standing up for myself. I have been raised in a good home with good parents who have taught me the difference between good and bad.

I know how they want me to act – quiet, nice, happy – but that does not mean that is how I should act. I have enormous self-respect and dignity, and am sincerely strong-willed. I do what I want and I learn the hard way – even it it means eating chicken wings and spilling hot sauce in my bed.

I’d rather not act like a lady, I’d much rather be a babe.