How to stay in touch with best friends in college

My friends and I are absolutely infatuated with each other. We are so in sync that we are essentially telepathic, I used to tell myself as I neglected to respond to their texts and sent them a message via mind waves instead.

“Didn’t you get my message?” my best friend would repeatedly ask. “Oh yeah, I meant to respond but I thought you’d just know.”

We were so interconnected that I didn’t think we needed words. We were that much more special than every other friendship where people had to communicate their feelings. We didn’t have to do that. We just simply were, I thought.

I never had to try to maintain my relationships with these friends because they were like gravity to me. They were more concrete and permanent than anything else. We were lucky. I’d grown up with them. They were just always there, and always all-knowing.

Three months, one mental breakdown and 10 voicemails later, I’m outside the Science and Engineering Complex, choking on my own tears redialing my friends’ numbers again and again. I miss them.

It turns out, that for a friend to be all-knowing, you have to tell them things. Mind waves can only travel so many miles, and I think the state lines that separated my friends from each other threw me off more than I predicted. We had to learn to communicate long distance, and we had to pick up our phones more often than we were used to.

I can’t stand my phone. I hate the way it beeps at me all the time and sucks me into its never-ending layers, taking precious hours of my day with it. I hate how my fingers can never text as fast as I can talk. I hate how sarcasm doesn’t always translate over a screen, and I hate how my best friend neglects to use any punctuation or emojis to hint at how she’s feeling. I hate that once my mom texted me “I love you…” because does she love me or does she love me dot dot dot?

I am more inclined to walk to my friend’s house next door, barge in and search for her, than to text her and ask her if she is home. And it is because of my disillusionment with phones that we could no longer take talking routinely for granted. We needed to make a conscious effort to stay in touch, and it wasn’t easy.

Group texts are crucial

Start conversations. About big things and little things. Tell everyone about your crazy Chemistry teacher or the campus cat you saw on your walk back from the academic quad. Group texts have an advantage over individual texts because they keep more people in the loop and there’s more opportunity for open-ended conversation. People can chime in and even interrupt each other, so it’s almost as if you’re all together.

Snapchat

Just as important as sending words, send pictures. Show your friends your new home, and let them show you theirs. Take them virtually to parties, to the dining hall, to the library. Don’t be glued to your phone, but it helps you remember their faces. They feel more real that way.

Reach out at any time of the day

Make spontaneous phone calls and leave voicemails. Drop in to say hello, even if it’s just for the five minutes you have to walk to class. If it’s 5pm your time and 3am her time and you’re having a mid-life crisis, send her 500 texts to wake up to. If you need her, call her.

Merge your friend groups

Tell your old friends about your new friends and vis versa. If you keep including your old friends in your new life, they won’t feel so far away. Show them pictures and videos, introduce them in a video chat. It helps your new friends get to know you, and it keeps your old friends close by.

Have realistic expectations

Your friends can’t talk all the same times you can, and they can’t be available 24/7. If you set up a schedule and figure out when the best times are to talk, then communicating each week will be a million times easier.