I deleted Tinder and feel liberated

Like many single 20-somethings in the 21st century, I created a Tinder account. Well, I didn’t – my friends did it for me. However, I kept it and started using it every week. I even started using it while I was abroad with a new group of friends. What started off as a fun way to kill time soon turned into a critical examination of myself through the lens of not-so-nice boys.

While I was in the States, I used Tinder as a way to bond with my roommates. All of the single girls would sit and watch the Bachelor together while on the app, and I soon joined to see what the hype was about. With no intention of truly meeting anyone through Tinder, I thought it was a fun way to see who was using it. We laughed over the ridiculous pictures of half-naked men, or the “bedroom eyes” some guys tried so hard to do. That, and the occasional bio which always made us chuckle.

After I met the boy of my dreams, I decided not to use it anymore. I tried to have a summer fling, failed miserably, and I didn’t want to do it anymore. For some reason, I still felt like I needed to keep this gross app in my arsenal just in case the love of my life was casually using it. Or maybe I wanted to have the safety net, something I could use to bond with my single roommates or new international friends.

While I was abroad, one of my new friends was playing around on my phone when she stumbled upon my Tinder app. Being a woman with a steady relationship for years, she was beyond excited to see all of the eligible bachelors on Danish Tinder. I let her match for me, and I didn’t realize that I would be starting a revolution. Soon, all of my roommates, whether they had boyfriends back home or not, created Tinder accounts to match and flirt with these international boys.

What started out as a great way to bond soon turned into an all-encompassing activity. I would walk into the living room to find five of my roommates on their phones, judging the profiles that these men put up. Happiness was soon determined by the speed of matching, and shade was thrown when someone received “super likes” – Why don’t I have super likes? Am I not attractive? Is there something wrong with me?

The messages were just as degrading. The comments some people received were over-sexualized, disgusting, or just too forward. I soon started losing faith in men, believing that everyone I ran into on the street was thinking these gross things when I walked by. I was scared to talk to guys at bars because I didn’t want to have those same experiences, ones where they recognized me from being “the American girl” – you’d be surprised at how many boys I ran into from the app in only a month.  So I made a quick decision: I deleted my Tinder, and it was the best decision I could have made for myself.

I woke up during the middle of the night to random Tinder messages objectifying me, and I realized I had had enough. I didn’t want to wake up anymore to messages telling me how I can sit on people’s faces, or that I would be “lucky to fuck a guy like me.” I didn’t want to determine my self worth from what disgusting men said to me. I finally took power in my own hands, and I felt so much more empowered because of it.

With this new realization, I have gone forth with confidence. Now, I am becoming the woman I want to be: I am confident in how I go forth in the world, I am silencing the nasty opinions of objectifying boys, and I am making choices that make me happy. I didn’t notice how much Tinder changed the way I thought about myself, but now that it’s gone, I know that I am much better without it.