What it’s really like to be in an interracial relationship
‘The color of your skin or the way you look should be the least of your problems’
It’s astonishing that interracial marriage was only legalized just 49 years ago in America. Even still, Gallup polling showed that, as recent as 2013, 11% of the American population is opposed to interracial marriage.
With America retaining its reputation as a melting pot of different cultures and ethnicities, it’s sometimes hard to believe just how separated we once were, and sometimes still are, from one another.
Although interracial relationships may present special challenges that would otherwise not be present in more homogenous relationships, they are living proof that love truly prevails above all else.
Every relationship, however, is different. Below, two high school friends of mine, Kana Ebara Hyman and Jessica Bernardo, offer their perspectives on being in an interracial relationship.
Kana Ebara Hyman, 20, East Carolina University and Corrie Hyman, 21, Air Force
Kana and Corrie met through mutual friends, but because Kana was living in North Carolina and Corrie was in Texas at the time, distance had them wary about starting a long distance relationship. After realizing how strongly they connected after spending time together for the first time two winters ago, they committed to each other despite the distance. Because she discovered that she continue with her education online, Kana moved in with the love of her life, enrolled in online classes, and found a great job.
They married last August, and have a beautiful two-month-old baby named Zoe, who Kana claims likes to be held, loves to eat, and is ‘such a daddy’s girl.’
Has race ever had an impact on you or your partner during your relationship?
I think race has impacted him more than me. He deals with comments like, “You don’t like black girls,” or “You don’t like our kind.” I know he gets really irritated about that.
He also was culturally shocked. The food I eat is different, I don’t like to have shoes in the house, and I’m a Buddhist. I’m glad he’s not close-minded or else we would have had problems, but he’s the total opposite. He’s adventurous and curious.
I was raised by an interracial couple so I sort of the knew the ins and outs about what I would deal with. People will stare, and I mean stare till you’re out of their sight. Recently, a cop was behind us on the road and I’m not sure if Corrie was nervous but I defensively was, especially with all the things I see on social media about the innocent black people getting mistreated by racist cops. Not all cops are bad, but I would hate to be pulled over by one who judges people by their skin.
Have you ever received comments from loved ones or strangers regarding your interracial relationship?
Almost every time. I think the comment that irked me the most was when someone said, “Obviously he doesn’t like black girls.” That doesn’t matter, and it doesn’t have to be said! But we have also received really positive comments about how we are a good match.
Would you say that interracial relationships have obstacles that other, same race relationships might not have? What kind?
Mm, well, interracial couples will always be judged, I think. More than a couple who is the same race since it’s not the norm for some people.
How do you plan on using your relationship with your husband as a model for your child?
For Zoe, I want her to be open-minded just like Corrie and I are with each other. I want her to know that differences exist and changes occur. I don’t force my husband to convert to my ways and he doesn’t either, so I don’t see us forcing Zoe to follow one of our lifestyles. Besides, I think my relationship is a mash of his and my ways that we accept anyway. I hope she figures out our mashed lifestyle. I want her to discover on her own!
What advice would you give to other interracial couples?
Be open minded! There’s so much room to learn about each other, to grow together, and to love one another for the differences. When you’re open minded, you’ll start to see your ways and his/her ways mash together.
Jessica Bernardo, 20, CSU Sacramento and Austin Miller, 20, UC Davis
Jessica and Austin met last year by pure coincidence: in the Panda Express line, waiting for their orders, at University Union. After making small talk and sitting down to have lunch together that autumn afternoon, their relationship took off.
The two went on an official date that same weekend at a Thai restaurant (yes, they love their food), and have enjoyed each other’s company for over a year and a half.
Has race ever had an impact on you or your partner during your relationship?
Race isn’t a big deal in my relationship. My boyfriend loves how we are different, and I definitely do as well, because we learn about each other’s cultures, which is really fun.
However, if I’m being honest, I know there are times when I feel a little under the weather about my physique. I personally admire white girls’ body shapes; they just look more fit and toned in the right places, and I don’t look like that, so it gets to me. But it never really impacts our relationship; it’s definitely more of a personal/confidence issue than it is about race.
Have you ever received comments from loved ones or strangers regarding your interracial relationship?
I have received no negative comments from anybody about my relationship. I have family members who are interracial relationships, so it’s not a problem within my family. It’s also pretty normal to see interracial relationships in Northern California, where I live, as well.
Would you say that interracial relationships have obstacles that other, same race relationships might not have? What kind?
I don’t think so. We have different variations of the same problems I think, but that’s another topic (e.g. trust issues, jealousy, etc.). And I think the only difference is, again, cultural background, but it’s never about race.
What advice would you give to other interracial couples?
First and foremost, you both obviously chose each other from the beginning, so why make it a problem now? You can’t change the color of your skin or your facial features, but you can change the way you view things. So as long as your partner treats you with respect, loyalty, love, and all those ingredients to make a healthy relationship, then the color of your skin or the way you look should be the least of your problems.
Race is only a big deal if you make it that way.
I, too, am in an interracial relationship, and have experienced some insecurities regarding our differences. However, I think that it’s important to realize that not every person comes from the same background; embracing our racial and cultural differences has the potential to both strengthen the relationships, and deepen the connections, we have with others.