Everything you learn when you go to Catholic school

My birthday happens to fall in that awkward area that puts me right on the cutoff for a lot of schools. At the local public kindergarten, my September baby status meant that I would have to take Kindergarten twice; at the local Catholic school, I only had to do it once.

Two times? No. My parents thought I was too smart for that. So they sent me to St. Patrick’s School.

It was a great six years (I left for the public middle school in 7th grade), and after attending public school for awhile, I can recognize some unique things about St. Pat’s that every Catholic school kid would recognize at their own school.

Everyone knows EVERYONE.

My school consisted of Kindergarten to 8th grade. In total, we never surpassed 200 kids. Classes could be as small as four kids as sometimes. The biggest ones rarely even hit 30. In the grocery store, if you saw someone’s parents, you had to stop and talk. Everyone knew each other’s business.

The uniforms suck.

Some girls always looked better than others in the plaid skirts. Sometimes, you got caught wearing the same skirt or top the next day when mom didn’t do the laundry. And no, the uniforms didn’t look like Constance girls uniforms from Gossip Girl.

Almost everyone is rich… and white.

I was probably the most ethnic person in that entire school, and I’m only half Chinese. For a while, my sisters and I were the only Chinese people in school. There were maybe one or two black students, and then one or two Latinos.

Everyone owned several pairs of UGGs when they first came out, and it seemed like every mother had a pristine manicure at all times to complete their designer outfit and perfectly dyed and cut hair. Very suburbia. 

Your teachers were either young and pretty or old and probably ex-nuns.

My theory about this is that younger teachers cost less because they’re fresh out of college, which is why I had a string of beautiful, young, thin teachers after 3rd grade. They were all single until a few years later when they all started marrying their longtime boyfriends. Not gonna lie, it was really weird hearing the boys say that our 5th grade teacher was hot.

In 1st and 2nd grade, though, my teachers were old and strict. I’m still convinced that Mrs. D was an ex-nun. I just hope she left to teach, and she wasn’t forced to leave.

You went to church. Every. Single. Week.

Every Friday, my classmates and I lined up in number order and walked single file in silence (well, our teacher tried to make silence happen) to the church right next to the school. We had Benediction and Adoration for years every Friday until a new principal had us go less.

The “Church Basement” was your multipurpose room.

Public schools have nice, large buildings with different rooms with every purpose you can think of. We had a church basement. For everything. We held plays and music concerts in there; we had gym, music, art, and lunch in there. An auditorium?

Psht. Who needs that when you have the tiny basement of your next door church?

You had religion class.

I hated history, and religion wasn’t much better. When it came time for Confirmation, I was the first (maybe the only) student in my class that memorized every stupid question we had to learn for that sacrament. When the day came, guess what question I answered. “What sacrament are you receiving today?” Yeah. It was all useless. Got an A in the class, though!

It was kinda easy.

Before going to public school and taking the honors courses, I thought school was a breeze. I took the advanced math (Enrichment Math) at St. Pat’s, but I didn’t think that meant I was smart for some reason. I was convinced I was an average student.

Moving to public school gave me the chance to challenge myself. I also never got to feel smart anyway, because the classes put me right smack dab in the middle of all the child geniuses around me.

It was strict.

The rules I had to deal with at St. Pat’s didn’t seem like a big deal. It upset me that I couldn’t wear nail polish, but everything else was fine. I didn’t wear makeup, so what did that matter? My skirt would be uncomfortable if it was too short, so of course I left it by my knees. And so what if my shirt had to be tucked in? No biggie!

Any kid who went to Catholic school knows that NUT Passes (No Uniform Today) were the best slips of paper ever. Public school was like a NUT Pass everyday! I loved it, and realized that all those rules from before were bonkers. I developed a style and began to understand fashion. Now, my hair’s even purple. Those rules smothered my creativity for years, and I’m glad to not have them.

At the end of the day, though, those years weren’t half bad. I had some great teachers and I thrived in the environment. I learned respect, something that I’m convinced a lot of young kids today don’t learn in school anymore. I wouldn’t change that experience for anything.