I haven’t spoken to my family in 11 years – because I married for love

“I love him and will love him forever”.

Meena and her husband have been married for 11 years now and have a baby girl, but have experienced first hand the struggle of having a love marriage and living in India.

Marriage in India is not only the traditional union of two lovers who decide to spend their life together, but is the union of two families with similar cultures, morals and values and a good financial and social standing. The caste system is widely prevalent in India and based on the religion you follow, or the work you do, the society puts you in a specific box.

Marrying outside the caste is looked down upon in India. When it comes to arranged marriages, most families try to find a potential husband within the same caste. When love marriages occur, sometimes parents compromise and agree to the individuals being of different castes and sects, but usually stress on them to follow the same religion.

“My husband started liking me in 7^th grade and I started to notice him a couple of years later. We went to the same school so we used to see each other a lot, I used to lie to my parents and meet him after school. We began secretly dating after 12^th grade, but my parents they approve of him – he is from a different caste. He’s a Buddhist and I’m Bihari”.

When her parents discovered the relationship, they forbid her to see him.

With tears in her eyes, Meera said: “When my parents found out, I was not allowed to leave my house at all. It was terrible.”

For Meena’s parents’ caste wasn’t the only issue.  The man she was dating was also handicapped – an incredibly minor handicap.  One of his eyes is very slightly dislocated, but this doesn’t affect his vision in any way. Even so, they weren’t sure if he would be able to get a good job and support her.

When parents get their daughters arranged marriage in India, they look for financial stability and a good social standing.

“My husband has a very good job now, and our daughter goes to a really good school too. He is a manager of a store, and he got this job right after we got married so he has always financially supported me.”

Meena never thought that him being handicapped was an obstacle in their life.

“While I was under house arrest enforced by my parents, a friend came and told me I had to leave the house on a particular date in August – that day, I would be getting married to my boyfriend.”

They had 3-4 friends as witnesses for their marriage. Marriages in India are usually a huge event where families invite over 300 people, including all their friends and families and business clients. Indians spend millions of rupees on their lavish weddings, their outfits and their jewelry. Meena didn’t consider this as a sacrifice: she considers this day as the most important day in her which marks the union of her lover and her.

Meena was only 17 when she got married which created yet another problem. It’s illegal in India to get married under the age of 18 years old. Hence, there was a case filed against their marriage. But after a year of fighting the case, the marriage was accepted by law.

Their marriage didn’t only face legal problems, but also faced inevitable problems from their family.

“My parents broke all ties with me the day I married my husband. It has been 11 years since, we have a baby, and we still don’t talk. After my sister got married away, they left the area, so we don’t even run into them.”

The consequences of Meena’s marriage were severe, but her husband’s parents accepted her into their family with open arms.

“From that day, his family was my family. I didn’t associate with any of my family members after that day.”

Meena faced several challenges from the society because she married a man who was not only from a different caste, but is also handicapped. But she had faith in her love and him, and followed her heart. She has been gracefully accepted by his family and lives a very happy life. While she is at work, she leaves her 4-year old daughter with her in-laws.

“They take care of my baby girl when I’m at work. Sometimes, my father in law drops and picks her up from school too.”

Love marriages are becoming more common than earlier in India today. However, in the uneducated population, love marriage continues to be a largely alien concept.