I’m 21 and still not allowed to date

Due to my lack of experience, dating is the hardest thing for me to talk about. Growing up, my parents would always joke with me, “Tania, you can date when you’re 40.” I did what anyone would do – I laughed it off and hoped they were joking. Little did I know, they weren’t.

To this day, I’m still held on a tight leash when pursuing a guy.

But let’s discuss the icing on the cake for a bit: the double standard. As a woman, my parents feel that it’s not my duty to pursue any type of male figure. What I should be focusing on is my school work, my career goals, and, just overall, myself. The same rules apply to my little sister, of course. However, it’s OK for my brother to date because he’s a man. He’ll be able to handle himself no matter what happens (no, this does not mean violence). But me? Oh, I’m a fragile woman who may get hurt or incredibly distracted if I choose to actively seek out a boyfriend.

Can’t this exact situation happen to my brother? Just because he’s a man doesn’t mean he’s not safe from the dangers of the dating world. He’s more than likely to get emotionally hurt from a bad break up or to get enticed by another beautiful woman. These situations happen all the time for women and men.

What’s worse are the looks and jokes I get from my parents if I even bring up the topic of dating. Once, I was talking to my mom in the car with my brother, his ex-girlfriend, and my best friend, Michelle. My mom was talking to my brother about inviting her to our house for dinner. I made a joke and mentioned, “Well, can I invite my boyfriend to dinner?” At this point, my mom gave me the weirdest look. She then followed with her usual sass, “Yes, invite your imaginary boyfriend to dinner.” I’ll admit that shut me up really quickly. The laughs in the back seat were no help either.

Even if I mention that I’m going out with friends, my dad will often ask jokingly, “How many boys will be there?” Just girls, dad, don’t worry. Yet my brother is encouraged to pursue the girls he hangs out with. Even when he goes too long without a girlfriend, my dad will often get frustrated and mention, “You should be dating girls by now!” Of course, I don’t get this encouragement.

My parents talk to me about dating in the form of assumptions and what-ifs. “Oh, Tania, what if you get pregnant? What if you have a bad break up? You’ll be distracted from your work! What if it turns violent? I don’t want anything to happen to you.” Looking from my parents’ standpoints, of course, I’m incredibly appreciative of them and their duty to look out for me as their daughter. I thank them for loving me enough to worry about my safety.

However, there comes a time when I have to look out for myself and make my own decisions. I’m 21 (though it may not look like it). I’m an adult and I have the capacity to decide what’s right for me. I understand that there’s real danger in this world and I know that whatever decisions I make may have consequences. But I can learn from my experiences and my mistakes, just like my brother.

I’m so late in the market that I don’t even know what I like. I tend to pick out qualities I like in men from my friends or what I see on TV. But that’s nothing compared to an actual relationship. Worse of all, if I even sneak around with a guy I like, there’s always this tinge of guilt in the back of my mind. Relationships don’t last long enough for me to even experience the things I might enjoy.

Like any other young adult, I don’t want to be restricted on such a big aspect of my life. But most of all, I don’t want my situation to be compared to that of the opposite gender, especially when it’s my brother. I want to be able to make decisions without having to worry about input from my parents. But this won’t happen, unless they loosen the leash and let me date, not because I want them to, but because they trust that I will make smart decisions for my relationship.

Fortunately, my brother agrees with me and tells my parents I’m mature enough to have a boyfriend. I think with his help, my parents will soon come around and see that I’m not a little girl anymore.

I’m a grown woman who’s ready to take on the world of dating.