What it’s like for female gamers in a male gamers’ world

It may come as no surprise to some that females in the gaming world may seem out of the norm. For some, gaming belongs in the male domain.

My experiences with male gamers have been positive for the most part – they think it’s pretty cool. They encourage me to play better and any negative comments are never truly meant to be insulting or geared towards my gender – they are always about skill, which, strangely enough, makes me want to play better.

However, my negative experiences have, oddly enough, been mostly with female non-gamers. They often tend to look at me strangely when I say I’m a gamer. Some may just uncomfortably brush it off and change the subject or they may just flat out say that it’s quite strange to hear about a girl that games. Regardless of this, I still admit I love video games because I’m not afraid to say it and if I do admit it, maybe I can find a fellow female gamer that I can game with.

Unfortunately, for the most part, not all female gamers seem to be as lucky when gaming with others.

Courtney O’Flaherty, University of East Anglia

“I worked in gaming retail and it wasn’t very pleasant in terms of responses. I’d either be the subject of some ‘girls who game’ fetish or else people would assume I had no idea what I was talking about, like it was really common for people to ask me a question and if I gave them an unfavorable answer they’d go ask the same question to a male member of staff who’d give the same reply, the only difference being that they wouldn’t challenge it.

“Honestly, if someone thinks a girl knowing how to pick up a controller is such a spectacle that it must be a facade just to impress guys then they’re a straight up moron. My advice to girl gamers is that the block button is there for a reason so don’t be afraid to use it if someone is harassing you online and don’t succumb to the need to ‘prove’ yourself worthy to them.”

Celeste Crespo, University of Connecticut

“Usually, the times I experience ‘negative’ interactions with gamers, it’s from my brother and his friends. My brother makes a lot of snide comments when I play games because I’m a ‘girl’ and ‘girls shouldn’t play games because they are no good at them.’ His friends usually laugh along. It’s done in all good humor and there’s no malice behind it, but that doesn’t make it any less annoying to hear.

“If you’re a girl who truly loves online gaming and it makes you happy, then forget about those who try to discourage you. It won’t be easy but a girl shouldn’t lower herself or give up something she truly enjoys just because a bunch of anonymous, misogynist man-childs are giving you a hard time. Show them up by having a good time and kicking their butts in gaming! That will show them to stop talking trash about girls in gaming.”

Maddie Lamedica, Norwalk Community College

“I began to withhold my gender in online games. I would make male characters in multi-player games, just as a safety blanket from assumptions on my gender. Hilariously, 90 percent of people assumed I was male and started addressing me as such. I did nothing to correct them, and even started responding in ‘male talk,’ like ‘sure dude, okay bro.’ I had infiltrated the so-called ‘bro culture’ of gaming. I started to lie that I didn’t have a microphone so I wouldn’t have to reveal my real identity online.

“It wasn’t until college that I started to feel confident enough again to give being a female freely online a shot. A lot of women I met in college, both teachers and students alike, were powerful and inspiring. I first started to use the microphone again while playing Team Fortress 2 on a very community-based server, and it was overwhelmingly positive. I made a lot of friends, and any time there was someone who would make a negative comment, they would get a verbal beat down. That was what really got my confidence back and drove me to start a YouTube channel. I don’t hide the fact I’m a female online anymore, and though I do get the occasional rude comment, it doesn’t mean much to me.”

Cora Olson, Georgia Tech

“My gamer tag had ‘girl’ in it, so naturally I wasn’t treated like most players. I got quite a few messages and friend requests just because I was a girl. I wouldn’t say much on mic and nobody outright harassed me, if I remember correctly. However, when I did talk, sometimes I’d get, ‘Is that a girl?’ or demeaning language towards me from people thinking I was a boy with a girl voice. I distinctly remember one guy though. I think he called me a ‘fag’ and made fun of my voice because he thought I was a boy. When I told him I was a girl, he sent me a friend request. Of course, I rejected it.”

Steph Horwath, Temple University

“I’ve always defended myself for playing video games because my gender shouldn’t affect whether or not I like playing a video game. My Internet friends assumed I was a boy before I would introduce myself with my real name because I played a female character in World of Warcraft and almost all of my guy friends played female characters too. They, honestly, just assumed I was a guy because I picked a female character and because I knew how to play the game decently well! Overall though, my male Internet friends respect me because I can keep up with them or play better than them and they’ve admitted that to me before. Online video games tend to be pretty sexist but there are a handful of people who don’t care what gender you are, as long as you’re playing well.”

Ali, Temple University

“Due to the very false belief that women don’t game, I feel uncomfortable or judged mentioning it to others. In middle school, I was an avid Call of Duty gamer on Xbox 360. I had an Xbox live account, which was basically online gaming, and I had a microphone as well. I understand that the majority of what was said was by other 12 and 13 year olds, but anytime I would talk on the microphone, boys would freak out and the harassment would endure: ‘Go make me a sandwich,’ ‘Shouldn’t you be in the kitchen?’ ‘I can’t wait to beat your ass,’ and ‘I just raped the girl.’ 13-14 year old me didn’t understand this at the time. Come my freshman year of high school, I got bullied a lot for openly speaking about gaming. The worst was when I was referred to as a ‘dyke’ and for wearing ‘grandma’s clothes’. So I quit.

“I’ve slowly been getting back into it since I came to college. I invested in a gaming computer and started playing games again. Since then, my depression has disappeared and my confidence boosted. Gaming has made feel happy and more proud of myself and powerful than ever.”