My boyfriend and I investigated how men and women are treated differently

I was at a bar with a group of friends consisting of three men and three ladies. A guy came up to us, who seemed pretty friendly, and started introducing himself. But as he walked around our group it became very clear he had no intention of being respectful to everyone. He shook hands and introduced himself to every single male in our group, and completely ignored all of the females. It made me feel like this guy didn’t see me as important and that I didn’t matter.

Nothing makes my blood boil like seeing a woman treated as if she is less. Regardless of how often you notice it, women are treated like this every day, every hour, every minute, and in almost every situation. In fact, women are interrupted more than men. People tend to make eye contact with males more often than females. Teachers are more likely to know and use the names of male students than female students as well as asking females fewer or easier questions.

Even though these actions are so small you may not even notice them, when they occur over and over again they send women a strong message: You are not as worthwhile as your male counterparts. You are not expected to participate fully in class, and subsequently, in life. We have built up a societal bias that causes women to be treated differently, but most of the people who act this way are unaware that they are doing so. Believe it or not, men are not the only ones perpetuating these stereotypes – women are just as guilty.

To observe these nuances more closely, my incredibly helpful boyfriend agreed to help me with a social experiment. We visited three places, each of us with the same motive, asking the same questions, and talking to the same people and then compared our experiences.

Restaurant

Our first stop was at a local chain restaurant. Both of us were eager to see what we would find with this experiment, but I was also nervous. I have never been known to sit back when I am disrespected, and I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to stay quiet when I should be standing up for myself.

Before we were even seated I found exactly what we were looking for: subconscious bias. The hostess was extremely friendly – she was smiling and greeting people who came through the door, but I noticed something strange. She wasn’t making eye contact with any of the women who walked through the door. She looked straight past me when she asked Mike if we would prefer a booth or table.

I really didn’t want to believe that at our first stop there was already such prevalent bias towards the male customers.

After Mike and I sat down, we spent a few minutes talking about our experiment before we were greeted by the waitress. She continued the trend of eye-contact with Mike first, but when I smiled at her she returned the smile and eye contact. I immediately noticed though that when she spoke, she addressed Mike first. When she asked what we wanted to drink, she asked Mike first. When we were ready to order, she asked Mike for his order first. And when we were finished eating, guess who got the check right in front of him?

I couldn’t believe that actions so small could make such a big difference. The waitress made Mike feel important, but I felt like she made me feel like I didn’t matter.

I approached our waitress and asked her if she knew that she was acting with a bias towards Mike. She seemed genuinely surprised, she was not aware of how she was acting: “I had no idea I was treating you any differently. I can’t apologize enough, especially because I am a woman, too. I know how it feels to be treated like I am worthless and I can’t believe it is something I do to women. No person, regardless or gender, should feel like they are insignificant.”

Jewelry store

Our next stop was at a popular jewelry store. Mike and I decided to go into the store separately and use our individual observations.

Mike went into the store and was out within five minutes. “A sales associate came up to me and asked what I was looking for. I told him I was looking for a bracelet for my girlfriend and he called over a co-worker. Both of them were showing me jewelry, talking to me about the best brands, and giving me suggestions on what to buy. I even got one of their cards for when I come back.”

My turn.

I walked into the store. There were four people behind the counter, but only one of them was helping a customer. There were two other people in the store walking around. As soon as I walked in I noticed one of the sales associate females looked me up and down before asking if I needed help. I told her I was looking to buy a bracelet, but before I could say anything else she told me to find her if I needed help and walked away. I didn’t stay for much longer.

Car dealership

Our final stop was to a car dealership. This is the stop I had been dreading all day expecting that the outcome would not be what I wanted.

I went in first this time and immediately noticed the sales associate had a little bit of an attitude. I could only assume he didn’t take me seriously as a customer. I told him what kind of car I was looking for which made him perk up a bit, probably because he now thought I was a more serious about making a purchase. We talked about the features of the car for awhile, and when we were done I told him I was very interested in working out a price.

“Is anyone else going to be joining you for the purchasing part?”

This annoyed me. I assumed he was asking if I was really buying a car by myself, or if my man was just waiting to swoop in and take control.

Anyway, we negotiated the price for about 10 minutes until we landed on his “lowest possible price.” I thanked him and told him I would be in touch.

To make sure the salesman didn’t catch onto our experiment, Mike waited about two hours to go into the dealership. He described what he was looking for to the salesman that helped me (describing the exact car I looked at) and the man led him to the same car. Mike acted interested and suggested negotiating a price. Mike started with the same first offer I gave, and surprisingly, the man’s counter-offer was his “lowest possible price” for me. Oh yeah – Mike got him to go lower.

I know that there are so many variables in each of these situations that could have contributed to the outcomes. But this experience really opened my eyes to the bias that is around us. It may be subtle, and you may not notice it right away, but it is there.

Women have come such a long way since we were considered “property” of men, but there are times like these that show some people don’t accept how far we have come and what we are capable of.

If you take nothing else from this story, take your pride, carry it with you, and share it with other women. Start to take notice of how you interact with men and women. It doesn’t matter if you are subconsciously affected by society’s bias, because you have the power to change it.