Raise your glass if you’ve ever waited for a man’s validation

Raise those glasses high ladies, because we’ve all been guilty of this. I want to ask – why?

Why do we want to find that man who buys us with compliments, gifts and endless bullshit? When did we start to equate our self-worth with right swipes on Tinder or random men offering to buy us drinks – the more we got, the hotter we were? Why were we seeking their validation for a fact we should have already been aware of? How is it that we are able to throw away our intellect, common sense, and any collectivity we have, for a man who looks at us, talks to us, compliments us, who even tells us that we are beautiful rather than saying we are a hot piece of ass? How is it that we succumb ourselves over to them, as they sit at on a throne, a crown on their head, as we dance before them as most puppets do?

Shouldn’t we be the ones sitting there instead?

Many of you reading this will momentarily pause for a bit and reflect that no, you’ve never been in a situation like this; if that is the case, well then congratulations because you’ve outsmarted them all. I could just be preaching to the choir here, but for me, this is more than that. This was who I was just several months ago.

My first love was perfect; a knight in shining armor, rescuing me from the demons of my past, tending to my needs, and rarely ever asking for anything in return. He was so perfect that one day, he told me to look up at the sky, and to admire the moon. As I did, he asked, are you looking? I responded, and then he said, you’re now the Queen of the moon – I bought it for you. It was this moment when I began to appreciate having a man in my life, someone who could treat me right. However, I should have known it wouldn’t have lasted.

But pretty soon, every argument turned into a fight; an emotional battle between us two. The compliments stopped; I was no longer beautiful. Maybe he didn’t realize it, but what used to be of the once happy girl was now no more. I started to believe I would never be good enough for anyone else, how could I when I wasn’t good enough for him? How could I ever find the right guy, when I wasn’t the right girl?

The first time we broke up, I dived right back into the dating pool. I needed the validation and assurance from guys to tell me I was pretty enough for someone else to like me. Throughout the years, my confidence only heightened by the guys who would look at me, speak to me, and want something from me. I didn’t realize my true worth because I was substituting it for a man’s attention.

There was one instance, when a guy got upset at me for wearing a sports bra for one of our ‘at-home’ dates. I was shocked, and now even more shocked that the next day I specifically went out to buy new lingerie to surprise him in so he wouldn’t get upset. Never, did I think I would sink so low that I would start listening to a man telling me how to dress. (Don’t get me wrong; I believe in dressing up for your man, but some days a sports bra is more than enough.)

Reflecting back to that point, how could I have let myself believe that I wasn’t sexy enough for him, that I should have obviously worn something better? Was my comfort, my opinion on this matter completely irrelevant because he was a man and he knew best?

No. I realize now that I don’t need a man, and for all you ladies who have been in this position or still might be, you don’t either. Sure, it’s nice to hear them say we look beautiful, it’s nice to be gifted expensive things, and it’s very nice when moments seem to be coming straight from a movie – but no, don’t let that dictate your self-worth.

We have the power to love ourselves, so why don’t we? Every morning we can wake up and tell ourselves that we are beautiful, we can gift ourselves presents (and for no reason whatsoever) and we can most definitely wear whatever we want without needing a man’s vote of approval. We don’t need a man to keep us safe, or help us change the light bulb, we don’t need their money, and most of all we don’t need their bullshit. We’ve got ourselves, and that should be more than enough.

So go out there, head held high, because you are an independent woman, and no man can tell you how to live your life.