How being a bridal attendant changed my view on marriage

When I was a freshman in high school, I watched as my parents’ marriage fell apart, affecting me and my siblings in a variety of ways. My sister held strong to the belief that one day she would find a man, settle down, and start a family. My brother had never really been one for romance and I think he became even more introverted and uninterested in relationships after the separation. Me? I embraced the cynicism that seems rampant among many other women my age.

I figured that if two people could be together for 20 years, raise three children, then throw it all away, how could marriage really mean all that they say it does? It didn’t help that it seemed as though all of my friends were going through similar experiences.

I was beginning to think there was no such thing as a happy marriage. I was beginning to think that there was no validity behind the promises that were made.

I showed my emotions less and let few people in as a means of defense, not thinking that I could stand the heartbreak I had already been put through again. As a result, my cynicism grew stronger and more extreme, until I became sure that there was no such thing as love at all.

Only a year after my parents told us of their separation, I began working at a local wedding venue bussing tables. I would watch from a distance as couple after couple began their “lifetime” together. The whole time I would think to myself, “one day they’ll look back on this and think about how foolish they were. No two people are meant to be together forever.”

It was a bit harsh, I know.

A few years into working at this wedding venue, I moved up to the position of Bridal Attendant. Suddenly, I found myself working directly with the bride and groom, keeping them on schedule and making sure they had everything they could possibly need.

I was there right when they arrived, waiting with snacks and drinks as they got ready for the ceremony. I was there, corralling the already intoxicated groomsmen to the ceremony site on time. I was there to fix the bride’s train as she was about to walk down the aisle. I was there with a bottle of champagne as they walked back to the farmhouse, now a married couple. I was there for everything, through to the end of the reception.

Slowly but surely, I felt myself become more connected to these people. I would shed tears as the bride’s sister reminisced about their childhood during the maid of honor speech and as the bride shared a dance with her father. I saw the look in the eyes of the groom when he saw his wife-to-be in her dress for the first time and realized I’d never seen a look like that anywhere but the movies before.

It was after experiencing this for a few months that I began to notice a change in the way I was thinking. Suddenly I would be standing on the sidelines, during the couple’s first dance, and place myself in that position. I began fantasizing about what my own marriage might be like. I would work out details in my mind – down to even the napkin fold. Of course, my years of setting the banquet hall for wedding after wedding likely led to the intricacy of these fantasies.

Now, having been working as a bridal attendant for several years, I have found that my hope of a long and happy marriage has been rekindled. There are the occasional couples that I have the privilege of working with who demonstrate such a deep connection, such a dedication to each other, that there is no denying the authenticity of their love.

Just the other day a groom came in early, before his wife-to-be had arrived, and handed me a gift bag with a note sticking out. “Can you place this in her room so she will see it right as she walks in?” he asked me. So I did just that. I read the part of the note that was sticking out of the bag as I walked up to the bride’s room. It read something like this: I couldn’t sleep last night because all  I could think about was how beautiful you were going to look as you walked down the aisle today…

I’m not sure what the rest of the note said, but as the bride read his words she cried and cried. Then she turned and handed me another small gift, to be placed in his room. “I guess we both had the same idea,” she said.

This was one of those special couples. The whole night, as I worked next to them, I could tell that they really were meant to be together.

I feel lucky to have stumbled into this job, and lucky to have allowed it to change me so wholeheartedly. I used to be afraid of what might happen if I let someone else into my heart, that I might end up just the same as my parents. But now, I embrace that fear.

It would be scary, of course, to commit myself to someone else for the rest of my life. But I’ve seen first hand just how sure people can be, just how in love they are and just how determined they are to make one another happy and work towards what I once thought impossible.