Our beloved student club, Sobar, has been banned by local authorities from selling quadvods, the standard drink of choice in Sobar and Jesters.

Miss Green made outrageous and grandiose claims such as, “Would you find Nescafé so tasty if you knew that every time you provided that company with money, it was responsible for a thousand deaths?” That’s right Chloe – one thousand deaths for every cup of coffee.

There was only one thing that made last exam period just slightly more bearable: Fitfinder.

Sean Parker: “We lived in farms, then we lived in cities, and now we’re gonna live on the internet!”

‘Project For Awesome Day’

Winchester has been neglected over the years both by the University and the Union, and for many students this most recent decision marks the final straw.

It has emerged that the University plans to close the Archaeology Office