This is what your panini choice at George Green library says about your sex life
We all know that the Spicy Meatballers are spicy in more ways than one
They say you are what you eat, and for those of us that eat the delicious paninis at George Green Library we are inadvertently revealing what happens when we get between the sheets and things get a bit toastie.
Whether you're a sucker for a chicken fajita or a tuna melt, what panini you eat within the confines of George Green is determinant of what's your life down in the sheets. Kinky like fajita? Boring like a melt? Check down below to see what your choice says about you ;(
Cheese and Tomato
Could you be more vanilla? Probably needs to shower before and after, most likely schedules sex into their diary and rings their Mum afterwards. You’re a poor-man’s Mozzerella and Sundried Tomato and you just can’t handle the flavor. Definitely replies to messages with a scary degree of speed.
Ham and Cheese
5 minutes in missionary. You get the job done, sometimes it’s all you need after a long day being mediocre. Probably gets their condoms free from Cripps Health Centre, which is no bad thing, who wants to pay £20 for posh condoms when you probably won’t last the length of the song ‘Pony’ by Ginuwine? The kind of person who has had a wank in the library toilets during exams.
Urban Dictionary Definition: A person who has no balls, needs to man up, gives in to anything.
Your mate who will tell you they spent Saturday night handcuffed to a bedframe with whipped cream dripping off their nipple clamps because they felt insecure after hearing about their housemates antics. In fact, they can’t even bring themself to buy a vibrator.
Bacon, Bean and Hashbrown
First of all, what the hell are you thinking? No one could possibly have this panini once and then have it again. This is the person who looked so good in the club but in the morning you can’t believe how desperate you must have been.
Mozzarella, Sun-dried Tomatoes and Pesto
An expert lover. Touches you like the majestic Phoenix you are. Cares as much about your orgasm as their own. Probably from an exotic country where they have actual Sex Education where they teach them novel things like where the clitoris is located.
They have the dirty talk of a Historical Erotica Novelist. Will tell you that you are beautiful so many times that you’ll actually start to believe it.
Most likely seen wearing a green UoN sports team jumper. If you were to compare it to a vegetable, it would be an aubergine. Considers sex part of their daily workout and definitely puts in enough effort to get a bit sweaty. Lots of stamina which makes it difficult to keep your sexual endevours a secret from your housemates. But still the sort of person who has to ask if you came.
Fifty Shades of Grated Cheese. The Chicken Fajita loves to be in a relationship and sees sex as a team activity that only gets better with practice. They may be the one you want to take down the aisle, but there is no Christian in this Christian Grey. You’ll have a life of spiciness and experimentation as this one always manages to hit the spot.
So the next time you're down in the George Green cafe, give a think to what your panini says about what your sex life is like ;(