We rewrote this year’s John Lewis advert because it should be based in Fallow

Where better to base a festive favourite than in Fallowfield


The much anticipated John Lewis advert is a bit of a tear-jerker. The retailer store teamed up with Action for Children and Who Cares? Scotland to raise awareness about children in care. So we’ve missed the boat this year, but maybe our production genius will catch their eye for Christmas 2023.

John Lewis marketing department, if you’re reading, we are open to employment.

Picture this…

It’s a frosty Fallowfield morning and all through the student houses,

The rats were scuttling, and so were the mouses.

A lone student locks their front door behind them,

and heads to the magic bus whilst lighting up a blem.


The minutes pass by and there’s no sight of a 143,

Their sights firmly set on the engineering building Christmas tree.

Waiting at the Owens Park bus stop, the mile-long queue takes shape,

Its so cold they can see their breath, or is it just a cloud of vape.


The bus finally arrives and the driver’s looking glum,

but the student’s face lights up as they see their lecture chum.

All the way down Curry Mile, they’re chatting away,

Then they look out the window and see Santa’s sleigh!


The sleigh and the 143 race down Oxford Road,

Santa, his sack, and his heavy load.

But what’s that on campus blocking the way?

The UCU strikes for the 34th day.


With his elves by his side and their Elf Bars in hand,

Rudolph is able to help Santa safely land.

After the whole fiasco Santa wants a drink

“But its a 11 on a Monday” the students say, Santa gives them a wink.


The students try convince Santa to wait in the Pret queue,

But he insists they instead get a pint at 532.

So the students miss their lecture (they haven’t been all year)

Five pints later, they all get on the gear.

The advert ends with the students and Santa heading to 256.

‘Whose round is it?’ they ask ‘Oh is St.Nicks’

We hear Boombox Barry exclaim, as he zoomed out of sight.

“Happy Christmas to all, this weather is a load of shite!”