Seven things that would send a Victorian child into a coma: Leeds Edition

Victorian children may have survived the bubonic plague, but Freshers’ Flu would genuinely hit them worse

There are many things in Leeds that would spiral a Victorian child into a coma, listed below are the top seven things I think they really would not overcome.

1. Freshers’ week

Seven nights of drinking for 10 hours, eating your pot noodle breakfast at 5pm and watching your flat grow dirtier by the day is enough to send anyone into a coma, to be honest. The continuous hangovers and 20 paracetamol a day would really finish them off. Victorian children may have survived the bubonic plague, but Freshers’ Flu would genuinely hit them worse; it’s like knocking on death’s door. 

 2. First year kitchens

I think there were more rats in halls than in the Victorian sewers and for that reason, I’d take living in Victorian squalor over first year accommodation. The blocked sinks, the mouldy glasses, the gone-off food in the fridge; all worse than the scenes from Extreme Hoarders.

3. Trying to get a seat in Eddy B during exam season  

Getting a seat in Eddy B is harder than the exams itself. It could literally be made into an Olympic sport. The humbling experience of everyone watching you walk around a floor just to have to leave again, would be too much for any Victorian Child.  

4. The Otley run

I’m not sure what would induce the coma quicker, the outfits, the fact there is 16 pubs, the amount of money you spend or the long walk between Original Oak and Hyde Park Pub. I’ve seen athletes finished off by an Otley Run, sadly I don’t think the Victorians would stand a chance.  

 5. The rides outside Beaverworks  

Bonus points for if the Victorians are drunk. Beaverworks itself could probably cause a coma, but I think it’s the rides outside that top it off.  Spinning around on them after a full night of drinking feels like a near-death experience.   

6. The special guests at Pryzm   

Never thought we’d see the day where Cal the Dragon and Big Dave are making guest appearances, but that sums up Przym. Special mentions to ‘The Beast’ from The Chase and Paul Chuckle- some of the weirdest people to show up at Quid’s In. I think watching TikTok stars awkwardly host a stage for five minutes would be too much for a Victorian.  

7. The Roger Stevens building 

Finding a lecture theatre in Roger Stevens is near impossible. Never has a building had a more confusing layout, lecture theatre 16 being on floor 12 whilst 17 is down at floor seven, make it make sense? If you do successfully find your class, leaving it is even worse, with the stairs more packed than Mischief on a Wednesday, it really is the worst building. Definitely coma-causing.  

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