‘I was left with maggot infested bins’: Exeter’s GRIMMEST housemate horror stories

You might have to TC whilst reading these

1 year ago

Every fresher dreads meeting their flatmates for the first time; you’ve done the facebook stalking, you’ve made small talk about freshers over your Snapchat group chat and you’re trying to work out which ones are going to commit flatcest within the first week. But NOTHING can prepare you for the horrors of some of the heinous crimes your flatmates, old and new, will commit; we’re talking a lot of bodily fluids, petty behaviour and kitchen knife thieves, we have the dirt (quite literally) on all the GRIMMEST things Exeter students have done to piss off, amuse or simply confuse their flatmates. Let the stories commence…

1. “I was last in the house to move out last year and I was left with MAGGOT INFESTED BINS”

You know it’s bad when the bins actually require you to put an ACTUAL peg on your nose. Stench unmatched.

2. “Bought her flowers because she was ill. She returned them.”

That is not only poor housemate behaviour, that’s just being a rude human being (*me now hoping someone will buy me flowers when I’m ill*).

3. “My housemate used to slap me on the bum and shout ‘slap ass'”

Even if your housemate has been hitting the gym recently and those GAINZ are more noticeable than usual, hold in your urges to literally ‘get the gainz.’ A simple compliment might do the trick.

4. “My first year flatmate left an entire chicken on top of the fridge and it defrosted and leaked onto the vegetarian’s shelf. The girl refroze it.”

Along with a -5 star food hygiene rating, this person should be awarded a -11/10 friend rating; respect the vegetarians kids.

5. “Male housemate consistently belts out Tate McRae and Miss Swift at 8am.”

Maybe this is grim for some, but honestly sometimes all you need is ‘Anti-Hero’ before your 9am.

6. “Found a ball of hair in the fridge.”

Didn’t remember adding that to your weekly shop.

7. “In first year, I shared a bathroom with a guy who constantly left dino shits in the toilet.”

If you thought skid marks were bad enough…

8. “Said he would murder us after taking too long to finish a game of Monopoly.”

Monopoly can get heated, but maybe not enough to consider actual taking the murder route. It’s not real money guys, c’mon.

9. “My mate left his pasta in the fridge in first year and it turned blue and hairy.”

When does it become appropriate to give a powerpoint assisted lecture on food hygiene? Health & safety training anyone?

10. “Instead of cleaning her dishes… my housemate hid them in the fridge when the cleaner came.”

No dishwasher, no problem.

11. “Had a housemate shit his pants and leave said shit filled pants in the bathtub for FOUR days.”

Just wondering who caved first – the pant shitter or the housemates who haven’t bathed for FOUR WHOLE DAYS?

12. “First year flatmate religiously pissed in kitchen sink and in his own trousers when drunk.”

I’ve always enjoyed my breakfast accompanied by the smell of bodily fluids, don’t know about you.

13. “My housemate pooed on the floor and left it there for days… safe to say we aren’t friends.”

If your friendship can’t last past a mess on the floor, then honestly, it’s not a true friendship.

14. “Couldn’t unlock the front door because there was coke in the keyhole.”

It’s like ‘Through the Keyhole’ but Keith Lemon visits Exeter for a night out.