In defence of Halloween ‘sluts’

It’s that time of year again.

The Magaluf mornings of summer are long gone, and Christmas is still 61 whole sleeps away, so we really need Halloween as legitimate, acceptable excuse to go out and get pissed for no reason.

But then comes the dawning realisation that it’s the one time of the year that you actually need to dress up. You can’t just say you forgot what the theme was like you do for your society socials.

Who the fuck has £34.99 to splash on a proper costume from a fancy dress shop? Uh, no one. That is money that could be far better spent on 14 Jägerbombs, or 349 apple Sourz shots. And what’s even the point spending all that when it’s not even going to make you look nice?

Proper fancy dress costumes are nearly always full-length and if you actually tried dancing in them you’d be a sweaty mess by the end of the night. (Think baggy clown trousers, skeleton suits, that scary bride dress Lindsay Lohan wore in Mean Girls – you get the idea.) They’re also always super rough and itchy, and who wants all their fake tan rubbed off by nasty synthetic fabric covering every inch of your body, all just so your costume doesn’t get labelled ‘slutty’?

If you embrace being a Halloween hoe, you literally only have to focus on the neck up for your costume. You can pick from a wide assortment of adorable and furry household pets. Maybe even pay tribute your rabbit Bubbles who died when you were 12.

And wouldn’t we all much rather wear a cute dress, show off the legs we’ve worked all year at the gym for, use our Rimmel eyeliner to draw on some whiskers, make some cat ears out of pipe cleaners on a headband? Or buy a pair from Topshop if you’re not feeling creative…

Halloween sluts win.

They save money, time and hours of sweaty discomfort.  I’m not saying copy Regina and Gretchen and go out wearing half of Anne Summers claiming you look like one of the fluffy animals from Pets at Home, (but if you do want to, then who the fuck can say you shouldn’t?), but its the 21st century, and if girls can wear a dress and heels on a normal night out, then why can’t we do it for Halloween? Why does looking nice on Halloween automatically label you ‘slutty’ but not on any other night out?

This is a salute to all the girls who don’t want to smother themselves in face paint filled with chemicals and give themselves a hundred spots the next day. This is a shout-out to the girls who know they look FAF and get 189 likes on their selfie pouting at their whiskers and bunny ears in the mirror.

This is a toast to the girls who would rather spend their hard earned money on having a good night, rather than wasting it on an ugly costume that they’ll never wear again. Happy Halloween to all the basic bitch mice, bunnies and cats, or anything with whiskers and/or ears. Here’s to the Halloween sluts of 2016.

Go get ’em, girls.