These Freshers’ Week horror stories from Reddit are so feral you’ll drop out before your first lecture
Are we sure first year students are human?
Claudia CoxFreshers Week is a terrifying time. You have to sus out your new flatmates, make small talk with a hundred people you’ll never see again, discover firsthand how much vanilla vodka the human body can tolerate, and somehow find time to start a degree. But these Freshers’ Week horror stories from threads across Reddit are in a whole league of their own.
Flatcest? Pubes? Poo in kettles? Read these Reddit stories about Freshers’ Week at your own risk. You may want to jump out of uni and jump on a train straight home.
I don’t want to know what the backstory is for this
“Flatmate had a party of 40 people in our kitchen. Super loud, DJ board and everything.
“Following morning, I found a pile of pubes on our floor.”
Each to their own, I guess
“I went out clubbing 10 nights in a row, caught a nasty chest infection and felt pretty rough the whole of the first term. 10/10 would do it again.”
This sounds like a soap opera episode
“All 10 of us went on a night out, (my flatmate) and one of the girls we lived with end up commuting flatcest in her room.
“After the deed was done he headed back to his room but bumps into one of our other female flatmates. He ends up shagging her too.
“Girl one got pregnant.”
I would just drop out
“Someone took a bit of a dump on the kitchen floor. Then when others found it, they put it in a kettle.”
Well, that’s… an adventure?
“I got hospitalised. Necked two pints of 8.5 per cent cider pints after 12 ish on the p*ss. Had to be carried by a skinny short girl (me being a fat 6ft man) up a very tall hill to the uni just for the security on site to throw me into the back of a van and drive me to the hospital.”
That’s one way to clean the floor…
“Came back to someone’s flat for afters and a girl was so drunk she pissed on the kitchen floor.”
At least this person enjoyed themselves
“Got high alone and revised all my A level material, practiced programming, watched a lot of porn and didn’t go out once.
“Good times.”
Instant character development
“A lifelong Sikh who had never drank was doing cocaine off a bass guitar within 7 hours.”
Was he trying to do the worm?
“My flatmate dislocated his knee on his first night on the dance floor.”
*Gasps and clutches my pearls*
“My freshers was at a Christian Uni so everyone kept it mostly straight laced. Only feral thing was someone stealing an extra slice of cake.”
I hope the sheets were only from Primark
“My friend won the ‘first to get laid in uni’ with a score of six hours, and she (is perioded a word, menstruated? Bled?) all over his new sheets, and then we both walked her home and got jumped on the way back.”
Er, congratulations?
“Had my first wank.”