How to successfully sneak drugs into a club, according to a bouncer

He knows the score

Freshers’ Week is nearly upon us, which means so is prime clubbing season. You’ve already found out everything you need to know about drugs, and how to minimise your comedowns. How to sneak your drugs into a festival is a bridge that’s already been crossed – but what about how to sneak drugs into a club? Is it easy or is it likely you’ll just get caught, turned away and ultimately be left pretty embarrassed?

There’s already some pretty out-there guides, and people trying to clock how dealers would get their drugs in, but what about tried and tested methods of normal clubbers?

Meet Rich. Rich is a bouncer at three different venues in a major UK city. He’s worked pubs, clubs and “super clubs” and seen clubbers try to sneak drugs passed him regularly – so knows inside out how people try and get passed him. We asked you to share all your ways of getting drugs into a club, and then asked Rich just how likely it is that you’ll actually pull it off.

Just be really obvious with it, like in your back pocket or something

“I just pop a baggie in my back packet or something. It’s all about how calm you come across, bouncers can tell if you look nervous or like you’re concealing something – but if you stay calm in my experience they check you so much less thoroughly.” – Hannah C

How likely are you to get caught? Rich says: “Boys would struggle with this. As a male guard, I cannot search females, I can only look in their handbags. Unless a female guard is present, that’s likely to be successful for girls.”

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Keeping it casual

Put everything in a zip pocket in your clutch bag

“Bouncers are busy people, and especially if there’s a queue they just don’t have time to check all the individual little pockets in your bag, they only check the main bit – so pop stuff into the pockets.” – Ruby F

How likely are you to get caught? Rich says: “Old school bouncers check everything so you wouldn’t really get away with it.”

Disguise roll ups in a cigarette box

“Sneaking weed into clubs is so easy. You roll the joint in standard rollie paper (you make several for the night) and use a fag box to keep them in. Bouncers don’t look twice at the box and in the smokers you get through the ‘fag’ in so little time. Or if you’re feeling extra risky just bring the regular joint in said fag box – bouncers can’t smell it.” – Matt L

How likely are you to get caught? Rich says: “Where I work we check all cigarette boxes but that’s a night club, pubs are not normally as strict.”

So simple, yet so effective?

Put them in your shoes

“Bouncers pat you down on your arms body and legs, but if you put a couple of pills in your shoe they won’t be able to detect it. I imagine high tops would be best for this as less chance of actually stepping on the drugs.” – Cameron R

How likely are you to get caught? Rich says: “We’d only check the shoes of suspicious characters normally, but that’s only at big venues.”

Conceal them in a sanitary towel wrapper

“When a bouncer is checking your bag and they see a sanitary towel they’re just going to think ‘oh there’s a sanitary towel’, they’re not exactly going to whip it out in front of everyone and search it. Plus, you don’t even have to take the packaging apart to put something in it, so it looks untouched.” – Georgina H

How likely are you to get caught? Rich says: “Nope, never heard of that one you know.”

Step one: Assemble

Step two: Conceal

Step three: Like nothing ever happened

Put them in your underwear

“I’ve tried before wearing pants that have that little material bit inside which is basically where your vag sits, but it’s almost like a pocket. You can shove your baggie in there and it sits tight.” – Lily S

“I know someone who had a special pair of boxers they had sewed a little pocket into.” – Josh A

How likely are you to get caught? Rich says: “Nothing I can do there – and I don’t think I’d want to in all fairness, hygiene and all.”

Put them in a contact lenses case

“Because they’re pocket size and have two screw lids, bouncers can’t open them because otherwise the contact lenses liquid leaks and will dry out your lenses. You can fit your stuff into each side. They never open it because they know they’ll, well, blind you.” – Charlie W

How likely are you to get caught? Rich says: “My gosh who is thinking of all these things? Never heard of that. Generations are changing, bouncers need to adapt.”

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I mean, you wouldn’t think anyone was sneaking drugs in there

Wrap them up in a condom and pop them inside you, casually

“So you get your baggies and just wrap them in a couple of layers of loo roll just so they don’t get covered in lube. The get a condom out and unravel, push the package to the end, then insert into your fanny as you would a non-applicator tampon. Leave the rim of the condom outside ur vagina for easy removal, it’s not even uncomfortable it’s literally like having a tampon in.” – Bella B

How likely are you to get caught? Rich says: “That extent. Man that’s worrying. If people love drugs that much then that’s some serious addiction. But I’m not surprised.”

Hide them in your phone case

“Who has time to take your phone case off and check?” – Frankie O

How likely are you to get caught? Rich says: “Yeah I do check you know but not all venues do.”

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Or even still, in your bra

“A bouncer won’t feel you up, and bra padding hides it!” – Beth E

How likely are you to get caught? Rich says: “This one makes sense, cause obviously I can’t search there – but most girls I see ain’t wearing a bra!!!”

Get them into something innocent looking, like a packet of mints

“They reeeaally don’t have time to sift through a whole packet of mints when there’s a queue to get in the doors.” – Joe W

How likely are you to get caught? Rich says: “Never known someone try that one.”

Or if you’re really desperate and uncreative, just bribe the bouncer

Worth a try?

Rich says: “I wouldn’t let them in. I hate drugs and smokers.”

Well that’s that one then.

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Listen here mate, this is the best I can do

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